Political Humor

by **marykmusic** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 11:33 pm

If it hurts to laugh, it must be true. Humor can say more than seriousness can. With that in mind, I offer us all a chance to laugh and Speak Truth. --MaryK Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and B S with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints to people that I am a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore. After all ...you're a United States Senator from New York Abby

by **marykmusic** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 2:36 am

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatic : Only 1 Hands are already in the air. Pentecostal : 10 One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians : None Lights will go on and off at predestined times. Roman Catholic : None Candles only. Baptists : At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken . Episcopalians: 3 One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was. Mormons : 5 One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence Methodists : Undetermined Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass. Nazarene : 6 One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans: None Lutherans don't believe in change. Amish : What's a light bulb?

by **sunny** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 3:03 am

heh. thanks maryk.

by **Pissed Off Cabbie** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 3:48 am

<a href="http://www.freewayblogger.com/images/were_all_wearing_the_blue_d.gif">www.freewayblogger.com/im...blue_d.gif</a>

by * » Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:09 am

PROOF THAT JESUS WAS... ...Jewish: 1. He went into his father's business. 2. He lived at home until the age of 33. 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God. ...Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He never held a steady job. 3. His last request was a drink. ...Puerto Rican: 1. His first name was Jesus. 2. He was always in trouble with the law. 3. His mother did not know who his father was. ...Italian: 1. He talked with his hands. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He used olive oil. ...Black: 1. He called everybody brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. ...Californian: 1. He never cut his hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But the most compelling evidence of all - proof that Jesus was a WOMAN: 1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2 . He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for him to do.

by **marykmusic** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 2:27 pm

The Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and little purple hearts appear on screen. The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive; with NO memory The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy ... then discards it through Windows --MaryK

by **marykmusic** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:07 am

Math Teacher At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. The FBI is charging him with carrying weapons of math instruction. Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzalez said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes". (I managed to pass College Algebra with a C. I was rewarded with my bachelor's degree. --MaryK)

by **Hugh Manatee Wins** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 2:16 am

(Care to know more about Jeff? Here ya go.) Did you know that Jeff was national editor of a satire/gossip magazine called 'Frank' that tweaked the Canadian government and media with its scandalous revelations about personal lives? A bit more powerful than the Onion...more like dangerous court jester. Hmm... This article is about 'Frank' editor and publisher Michael Bate- <a href="http://magazines.humberc.on.ca/magworld/templates/boivin.htm">magazines.humberc.on.ca/m...boivin.htm</a> <blockquote>Quote:<hr>Satire can be ugly. With its mandate to expose the hypocrisy and pierce the arrogance of the ruling set, satire gives rise to powerful enemies who have little appreciation for such clever twists of humor and wit, especially when they find themselves the object of the satirist’s scorn. Yet, for 11 years it has been the desire to keep a sustainable satirical press, an "antidote" to the mainstream media as he describes it, which has driven Frank Magazine’s editor and publisher Michael Bate. .... Frank grew to become an anomalous component of the Ottawa media — the only publication covering politics and the media in a way that was, at the very least, decidedly irreverent. Travers, National Affairs Columnist for the Toronto Star is involved with Ottawa’s political media and acknowledges the diverse reactions people in the capitol have towards Frank. "I think it’s sort of a combination of amusement, fear and loathing. It depends on who’s being gored that week," he quips. "The people read it. They follow it. They find it intriguing." .... When asked to describe Bate, McGregor lists all of the attributes which when combined, make for a man ideally suited to satirical writing: good news judgment, an ability to socially finesse people into revealing things they otherwise would not, and a proper sense of outrage. "He’s quite inflamed by what he sees as the conspiracy by the mainstream press to keep information out of the public domain and trade it among themselves," he says. "He’s also an excellent writer. Being funny in print is very difficult; being funny when you’re writing news stories is even harder."<hr></blockquote> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Magazine">en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Magazine</a> (History of the magazine) This review of Jeff Wells' book 'Anxious Gravity' says he doesn't resort to South Park-ism. <a href="http://www.nowtoronto.com/issues/2002-01-24/books_reviews2.php">www.nowtoronto.com/issues...views2.php</a> <blockquote>Quote:<hr> EXTREME LAUGHS BY MARCO URSI Anxious Gravity by Jeff Wells (Dundurn), 342 pages, $19.99 paper. Rating: NNN the closed-minded "we're right, you're wrong" belief system of religious extremists is headline news. But while most of the world gazes east toward Islam's jihad supporters, the first novel from Jeff Wells, the principal satirist for Frank magazine, takes a look at those more-nutty-than-dangerous Christian fundamentalists we all know and love to laugh at. The narrator, Gideon Gast, recalls his years as the son of a Marxist father and born-again mother. In his early teens Gideon turns to Maoism, but a near-death experience at a Christian summer youth retreat turns him on to Jesus and sends him off to Overcomer Bible Institute. Strict rules, including a heavily regulated dating program and a ban on the Devil's music, guide the way to God at Overcomer. Gideon enrolls as a naive boy, but dealing with deranged students, sexually aggressive women and false preachers turns him into a bitter man. After being dismissed three weeks before graduation for "gross sexual misconduct," Gideon is left without a place or purpose, and the novel meekly trails off from there. Wells has chosen an easy target for his potshots at religion, but his digs are subtle and often laugh-out-loud funny. Occasionally, though, you get the impression that the jokes are being told in Wells's voice rather than his characters'. It's tough to make religion funny without resorting to South Park-style sacrilege, but Wells generally succeeds in this clever novel.<hr></blockquote> Edited by: <A HREF=http://p216.ezboard.com/brigorousintuition.showUserPublicProfile?gid=hughmanateewins>Hugh Manatee Wins</A> at: 3/17/06 11:18 pm

by **sceneshifter** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 3:59 am

religions are like those russian dolls - its impossible to push them over because they've got no legs to stand on Edited by: <A HREF=http://p216.ezboard.com/brigorousintuition.showUserPublicProfile?gid=sceneshifter@rigorousintuition>sceneshifter</A> at: 3/18/06 1:00 am

Political Humor

Political Humor

...And multi-denominational

Re: ...And multi-denominational

Re: ...And multi-denominational

Re: ...And multi-denominational

New computer viruses

Math Teacher

Re: Jeff Wells' book and job at satire magazine 'Frank.'

Re: Jeff Wells' book and job at satire magazine 'Frank.'

Who is online