rigorousintuition.ca

Posted: **Mon Feb 06, 2006 12:22 am**

Get Rid of Telemarketers For Good (maybe it will also work on those pesky NSA agents listening in) --MaryK 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . " 3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?" 5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. 6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up. 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?" 8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?" 9. After the telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 10. If the telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company and that employees cannot participate. 11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up. 12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up. 13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times 14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended. 15. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer. 16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number. 17. Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you, but I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes." 18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" 19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder! 20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Posted: **Mon Feb 06, 2006 12:51 am**

Hehehahahe! Still giggling, having a hard time typing. Only problem I have is with this one: <blockquote>Quote:<hr>After the telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you<hr></blockquote> What if it's a 26-year-old Indian telemarketer who doesn't care if I am 60 years old? Will he sue me for breach of promise?

Posted: **Mon Feb 06, 2006 12:54 am**

How do you feel about a "green-card marriage"? Of coure, it could turn into a "he said/she said" case... --MaryK

Posted: **Mon Feb 06, 2006 10:03 pm**

That was very funny, thanks. My favorite is the home incarceration/beer request.

Posted: **Tue Feb 07, 2006 5:08 am**

a good telemarketer never lets you know their a telemarketer.

Posted: **Tue Feb 07, 2006 5:12 am**

but anyway, if you suspect you have a telemarketer on the line, just tell 'em the party they seek is recently deceased.

Posted: **Tue Feb 07, 2006 7:11 am**

Most telkemarketing outfits use wardialers that try to dial another number as soon as the salesman hangs up. They don't want any downtime. They're depending on you to hang up your phone, so as to break the connection. When only one end of a connection is hung up, there's typically a 5-10 second delay before the connection truly drops. So, if you just leave your phone off the hook and walk away, you're taking one of their lines out of service until someone manually resets it. -Sepka the Ex-Telecommunications Weasel

Posted: **Tue Feb 07, 2006 5:31 pm**

This one is outright mean, and not one I would use on those poor suckers who are just trying to make a living, but it fun to fantasize: Telemarketing fun told by anonymous -- The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with, "Is this William Wagenhoss?" This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber-Band-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew William personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood." I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case. I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home & at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I proceeded to tell him we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away. My wife asked me as I returned to our table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable!!! Edited by: <A HREF=http://p216.ezboard.com/brigorousintuition.showUserPublicProfile?gid=chiggerbit@rigorousintuition>chiggerbit</A> at: 2/7/06 3:03 pm

Posted: **Tue Feb 07, 2006 5:56 pm**

chuckle chuckle what can of disinfectant can be used after a visit from greys??? if its a clean-up business..

Posted: **Tue Feb 07, 2006 7:35 pm**

I did telemarketing for a short time, selling tickets on behalf of a fireman's fund, to a concert featuring Dottie West. The Oak Ridge Boys were just starting out then (30 years ago.) Red Stovall was on the line-up, and other old-timers I don't remember. I'd get old folks on the line that just wanted someone to talk to, and I would hang out and talk to them. Sold lots of tickets, too, by being very personable. Didn't sound like a professional at all... The ones I hate are the recorded voices. With them, I punch a bunch of random numbers, then lay the receiver down for a while. --MaryK

Posted: **Tue Feb 07, 2006 9:17 pm**

Someone I know used to put his 2 year old on the phone and walk away.

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