http://articles.sfgate.com/1999-05-18/m ... e-violencePLEIADIAN WARNING: Evil Lizards and Sex Slaves!
May 18, 1999|Hank Hyena"First, I'm going to take out my crystal," Barbara Marciniak, trance channeler and bestselling author of "Bringers of the Dawn" and "Earth: Pleiadian Keys to the Living Library," coos. "I'll place it right here beside me."
Barbara is attractive, stylish and 40ish -- like many of the psychics, spiritual advisers, personal growth gurus, and chakra/karma healers that give classes like this one at the Learning Annex.
Her 60-member audience is packed with New Age earthlings, dressed in llama sweaters and fibrous yoga pants. They nod and murmur knowingly when Barbara unveils her crystal.
Tonight's lecture, "Pleiadan Wisdom for the New Millennium," promises "liberating and compassionate lessons" from "the multidimensional spirit beings known as the Pleiadians," who are (if you swallow this stuff) communicating with us from The Pleiades, a blue star cluster in the Taurus constellation only 400 light years away. Marciniak has been profitably "channeling" their cosmic knowledge ever since 1988, when she slipped into trance, near Delphi, in Greece.
I'm attending this extraterrestial event because I'm curious: Is Barbara an honest oracle, or a cheesy charlatan? I believe intelligent species exist on other planets, but why would they talk to us by possessing our larynx?
Why don't they just go online?
"What's happening in the world today?" Barbara begins. "Why is there so much violence? Why are we at war? My new book, "Family of Light: Pleiadian Tales and Lessons in Living," answers these questions with hard-to-take information from the Pleiadians. It's not an easy story to hear."
Attentively, we lean forward ...
Barbara isn't the soft-spoken patchouli prophetess promising unicorns and talking porpoises that many in the audience seems to expect. In fact, she's a haranguing apocalyptic, a millennium Jeremiah.
She spews out a horrific vision that differs markedly from the benign Pleiadian transcripts in her earlier books...
Humanity is cunningly manipulated, she warns us, by a cruel clan of reptilian creatures known as the "Illuminati." Our ancient persecutors (here since Atlantean times) feed on "negative energy." To survive, they instigate disharmony and violence in the susceptible human species. The Illuminati are ruled by 13 Wizards, who are surrounded by a cabal of 3,000 - 5,000 additional evil-doers, "primarily white, and the Mormons are definitely involved."
All around me, innocents in Birkenstocks gasp, as Barbara plunges onward into even creepier territory
We are all being programmed, she claims, through ritual sexual abuse, television violence, and demonic propaganda. Sinister mind-control -- directed by the CIA who learned their nefarious craft from ex-Nazis who studied Pharonic Egyptian secrets -- is seeking to transform all of us into murderers, suicides, Satanists, cannibals, etc., etc.
"Those high-school kids in Littleton, Colorado ... were performing a sacrifice, a blood offering!" she claims.
Behind me, a poncho and ponytailed hippie raises his quivering hand.
"W-W-What about the Age of Aquarius?" he begs. "I thought the New Age would bring -- peace!"
"The New Age?" Barbara snorts. "That whole movement was created by Henry Kissinger, as glamourous disinformation, to lead us astray. I heard this from his mind-slave, who was also Bob Hope's sex-slave."
"ACGRCK!" Gasps the gullible mob.
Chuckling, I roll my eyes. It seems like heebie-jeebie Barbara is trying to herd any simpering sheep here into her own Dungeons & Dragons conspiracy-paranoia.
Is she a dangerous hypocrite, I wonder? Is she brainwashing the suggestible, using the same trauma techniques as the blood-reptiles that she warns us to fear?
Or is she a psychotic, transcribing "alien voices" in her brain? Would her career disintegrate if she swallowed some lithium?
Or is she -- shudder! -- just relaying THE MISERABLE TRUTH?! My own slender logic starts slipping away ...
"Black magic surrounds us," our Muse of Malignancy continues. "The Texaco star is red for blood and white for sperm... Washington D.C. is laid out in an occult pattern... All presidents from Eisenhower to the present Administration -- except Jimmy Carter -- are involved in this demonic scam; there's been innumerable residential sex-slaves."
What about the Millennium? I wonder -- Y2K? Global Warming? The Chinese? C'mon, Barbara, tell us: ARE WE ALL GOING TO DIE?
"Lots of children are programmed to kill their parents in the next few months -- The Illuminati need to destabilize the world, so they can crown the Anti-Christ on December 31st, 1999."
By now, I'm itching to flee her sick hallucinations, but she's got me terribly spooked. Are nasty lizards waiting outside the door -- ready to sex-slave me, if I depart early?
What's going on here? Has millennium panic turned the New Age into a Dark Era populated by opportunistic hucksters, with ghoulish cosmologies?
Or is Barbara something else entirely -- an avant garde comedienne, perhaps? Her lecture stings with wry wit: "Why are you so serious?" she scolds us. "You're not even from Sirius!"
Her parting advice -- "Embrace humor! Laughter makes you untouchable to the Illuminati's mind-control games! You even need to laugh at the fact that you've all been manipulated!" -- suggests that ... hmm ... is the best joke on us?
The audience, who paid $29?
To enroll in other exciting Learning Annex classes, call 788-5500.
Hank Hyena teaches "Subversive Humor" at New College and "Comic Monologues" at UC Berkeley Extension. He's also a frequent contributor to
Salon.