My attempt at English 'lingo'.

[AhabsOtherLeg]

Listen mate, I just said to the trouble n strife (wife), I'm popping down the rub a dub (pub) to have a pigs ear (beer). She said you ain't mate, get up them apples and pears (stairs) and clean the dustbin lids (kids).

And proper cockney would say

Mate, I said to the trouble, i'm popping down the rubber to have a pigs, she said you ain't mate get up those apples and clean the dustbins.

Exactly right. To be doing it right, you have to use the first word of the phrase that wouldn't rhyme with the word you're allusding to, in order to create extra confusion.

J. Arthur Rank = wank

But, in polite company, you must only say you're popping up the apples for a quick J. Arthur. Otherwise, it would be a terrible social faux pas.

Pen and ink = stink

So the films of J. Arthur Rank, in all honesty, don't half pen sometimes.

I'm sure there was one that alluded to Stanley Kubrick, but I can't remember it right now. "I couldn't half use a Kubrick, mate." Something like that.

While I was searching about for info on the even older and more impenetrable thieves cant, I stumbled on this unrelated page that I am putting here because it gave me a good laugh. http://www.peakcavern.co.uk/

I want to get married there.

[Joe Hillshoist]

Its a foul raciust slur, but for some reason I always liked "seppo".

[AhabsOtherLeg]

Its a foul raciust slur, but for some reason I always liked "seppo".

I had to google that one. It's not really much of a racist slur. I thought they liked being called the original name, unless they were from the South, though I gather none of them ever liked being called Septics. Understandably.

I quite liked getting called Jock when I was in London. Being called a "sweaty" (sweaty sock = jock) by a Cockney might've stretched the goodwill a bit. But that never happened. It was all very civillized.

"Alright Jock?"

"Doin' fine, you warmongering, genocidal, slave-trading, fascist imperialist anti-cultural Queen-fancier."

That never happened either, though. All was for the best, in the best of all possible worlds, which I call London.

[Joe Hillshoist]

Well one of the qualifications for being a seppo is that you have to be full of shit.

I just said foul racist slur cos it rolls off the tongue so nicely.

(Aussie rhyming slang is kind of like cockney slang, but, instead of just using the non rhyming word, we'll shorten it and add an o or ie/y.)

Ultimately tho, I'd have called them chuzzwozzas

[AhabsOtherLeg]

Well one of the qualifications for being a seppo is that you have to be full of shit.

I could maybe get citizenship, at least, under those rules.
I'd never make President, though, so why bother? It's the same thing that put me off visitting Vatican City.

[norton ash]

Joe Hillshoist wrote:
Well one of the qualifications for being a seppo is that you have to be full of shit.

Interesting... Seppo is a fairly common first name for Finnish men. I know TWO Seppos here in West Helsinki.

Ask Penguin, he'll tell you.

[AhabsOtherLeg]

Well one of the qualifications for being a seppo is that you have to be full of shit.
Ultimately tho, I'd have called them chuzzwozzas

Chuzzawozza, without the s, is a bonafide GoogleWhack - a word that only brings up one single webpage as a result when you search it.

So, is a chuzzawozza something to do with turtles, or am I already falling for the joke by asking about it?

Edit: Yeah, see, I talk about The Simpsons, but I don't know about the Simpsons.

Chuzzwozza is actually from that famous Australian icon The Simpsons! It is from the "Boot" episode where the family comes to Australia and Bart's pet bullfrog escapes and there is a subsequent bullfrog plague:

Aussie (with outrageous accent): Theeeese bluddy things are iverywheere. What are they?
Marge Simpson: Bullfrogs.
Aussie Thet's an odd naime! I'da called 'em CHUZZWOZZAS.

And to think people might accuse me of not doing my research....

[Belligerent Savant]

.

As quick as you can say Bob's your uncle...

[Searcher08]

My ex-gf is from the East End and used loads of Rhyming Slang.
My best mate called her Eliza Doolittle