What It Feels like for a Victim of Cyber Stalking

[barracuda]

where does it say WUaL is male?

WakeUp identified himself as a male in this post and others as well on the same thread.

[Stephen Morgan]

IS there a way to set up the board so the ignore function, in the future, also blocks PMs?

[justdrew]

IS there a way to set up the board so the ignore function, in the future, also blocks PMs?

phpBB allows PMs from users on a person's "foes" list. no way around that unless/until they modify the forum's code.

but it is possible to seperatly ban someones PMs from being seen.

setup a "rule"

go to the "Rules, folders & settings" option in the private messages area of the user control panel

there is a section titled, "Add new rule"

it works like you're building a sentence, clicking next after each step...

so first, choose "Sender" from the dropdown right of "if: " then click next
then choose "is" and click next
type in the exact username one doesn't want to hear from, then click next
then choose, "delete message" and click "add rule"

with the rule set, any messages from that account will be automatically deleted as soon as they're sent.

once a rule has been set, it'll show up in a new "Defined rules" section of the "Rules, folders & settings" area with a delete rule button should one choose to remove the ban at a later time.

[Canadian_watcher]

I appreciate the sentiment behind this notion of blocking the PMs.. but that wouldn't have changed the fact that that poster would have continued to go from thread to thread posting things right after I did - things that in general caused great discord between me and other posters or made me look like I was being antagonistic when I wasn't.

try to appreciate my position - ever since I was made a mod I have been relentlessly harangued by multiple posters in many different threads. Think about how that felt and pretend for a minute that you would have let it bother you. What would you have done? I did what I thought would stop it - I resigned as a moderator. That did NOT feel good for me.

I was really excited to be asked by Jeff to be a mod! I thought, "Hey, great! I must be doing something right!" -- Coming from the background I came from you have no idea how great that made me feel about myself. After a week straight of hit after hit I just couldn't deal. So sue me, I'm human. I felt like I was ruining the community I really loved belonging to.

It's easy for anyone to say that they just wouldn't have let that bother them... they would have held their heads high and just taken it - ignored all naysayers and pests. But think about the message I'm getting here now:

"Canadian_watcher shouldn't consider herself a 'victim' and bring her problems to the whole community. We should all just get along"
but at the very same time:
"I am a victim of Canadian_watcher's problem and this is a big deal that is making me question whether or not I can stay on this board."

It's like people are forgetting that they were NOT involved in the misogyny thread, they didn't receive the PMs, they didn't experience the personalized trolling and they believe that they can somehow blame the 'feminists' exclusively for the problems. Me, PW, Maddy, barracuda and Peregrine are telling you as people who have all of the information that there was some seriously unacceptable stuff perpetuated by a small group that was very disruptive and hurtful.

We were there. We know what went down.

[Canadian_watcher]

No to be provocative.. but consider why Jack Layton isn't just ignoring this:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/video/video-layton-says-hes-a-target-of-smear-campaign/article2005211/

[Stephen Morgan]

No to be provocative.. but consider why Jack Layton isn't just ignoring this:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/video/video-layton-says-hes-a-target-of-smear-campaign/article2005211/

He ought to if he is innocent. If he was there hiring a prostitute he should come forward and say so and use it to advocate legalisation and sensible regulation of the sex trade. Seize control of the narrative, as it were.

[Canadian_watcher]

No to be provocative.. but consider why Jack Layton isn't just ignoring this:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/video/video-layton-says-hes-a-target-of-smear-campaign/article2005211/

He ought to if he is innocent. If he was there hiring a prostitute he should come forward and say so and use it to advocate legalisation and sensible regulation of the sex trade. Seize control of the narrative, as it were.

how can you seize control of the narrative if you're ignoring it?

[justdrew]

I appreciate the sentiment behind this notion of blocking the PMs.. but that wouldn't have changed the fact that that poster would have continued to go from thread to thread posting things right after I did - things that in general caused great discord between me and other posters or made me look like I was being antagonistic when I wasn't.

try to appreciate my position - ever since I was made a mod I have been relentlessly harangued by multiple posters in many different threads. Think about how that felt and pretend for a minute that you would have let it bother you. What would you have done? I did what I thought would stop it - I resigned as a moderator. That did NOT feel good for me.

I was really excited to be asked by Jeff to be a mod! I thought, "Hey, great! I must be doing something right!" -- Coming from the background I came from you have no idea how great that made me feel about myself. After a week straight of hit after hit I just couldn't deal. So sue me, I'm human. I felt like I was ruining the community I really loved belonging to.

It's easy for anyone to say that they just wouldn't have let that bother them... they would have held their heads high and just taken it - ignored all naysayers and pests. But think about the message I'm getting here now:

"Canadian_watcher shouldn't consider herself a 'victim' and bring her problems to the whole community. We should all just get along"
but at the very same time:
"I am a victim of Canadian_watcher's problem and this is a big deal that is making me question whether or not I can stay on this board."

It's like people are forgetting that they were NOT involved in the misogyny thread, they didn't receive the PMs, they didn't experience the personalized trolling and they believe that they can somehow blame the 'feminists' exclusively for the problems. Me, PW, Maddy, barracuda and Peregrine are telling you as people who have all of the information that there was some seriously unacceptable stuff perpetuated by a small group that was very disruptive and hurtful.

We were there. We know what went down.

well, maybe you should give it another go at modding, I can't say I read every post directed at you, and I can totally see where you're coming from, and indeed, on reflection I suspect you were probably right about what was going on, at any rate, if that's how it seemed to you, that should be reason enough for the person to respect that and just stop it.

[Canadian_watcher]

thank you, justdrew.
I appreciate that.

[Stephen Morgan]

No to be provocative.. but consider why Jack Layton isn't just ignoring this:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/video/video-layton-says-hes-a-target-of-smear-campaign/article2005211/

He ought to if he is innocent. If he was there hiring a prostitute he should come forward and say so and use it to advocate legalisation and sensible regulation of the sex trade. Seize control of the narrative, as it were.

how can you seize control of the narrative if you're ignoring it?

Ignore if innocent, hijack if guilty.

[Canadian_watcher]

No to be provocative.. but consider why Jack Layton isn't just ignoring this:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/video/video-layton-says-hes-a-target-of-smear-campaign/article2005211/

He ought to if he is innocent. If he was there hiring a prostitute he should come forward and say so and use it to advocate legalisation and sensible regulation of the sex trade. Seize control of the narrative, as it were.

how can you seize control of the narrative if you're ignoring it?

Ignore if innocent, hijack if guilty.

But never admit you're wrong. I see. Yes, it's clear that that is your personal strategy.

You know, I really respect that you don't engage in any sort of group bullying/ganging up on people. Really, I do. And I really respect that you are committed to your brand of justice. But I have a serious problem with your inability to admit it when you're wrong. And you have been wrong.

Perhaps your efforts to make a better world or have others come around to your way of thinking are unsuccessful in part because of this blind spot you have. It hurts you because all change comes from the ability to give and take. If you plant your foot firmly on EVERY minor point it makes people realize that they are not going to share with you. In the absence of sharing what is left of an interrelationship?

I have tried to lead by example with you. I've done my bit. But after all of it I find that I am back to my original position - "There is no debating Stephen."

No offense meant.

[Stephen Morgan]

No to be provocative.. but consider why Jack Layton isn't just ignoring this:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/video/video-layton-says-hes-a-target-of-smear-campaign/article2005211/

He ought to if he is innocent. If he was there hiring a prostitute he should come forward and say so and use it to advocate legalisation and sensible regulation of the sex trade. Seize control of the narrative, as it were.

how can you seize control of the narrative if you're ignoring it?

Ignore if innocent, hijack if guilty.

But never admit you're wrong. I see. Yes, it's clear that that is your personal strategy.

Nothing wrong with hiring a prostitute. Well, it's against my religion, but for practical reasons, there's no reason it ought to be illegal and no reason a public figure should be ashamed of it.

You know, I really respect that you don't engage in any sort of group bullying/ganging up on people. Really, I do. And I really respect that you are committed to your brand of justice. But I have a serious problem with your inability to admit it when you're wrong. And you have been wrong.

Is there anything in particular you'd like me to change my tune on?

Perhaps your efforts to make a better world or have others come around to your way of thinking are unsuccessful in part because of this blind spot you have. It hurts you because all change comes from the ability to give and take. If you plant your foot firmly on EVERY minor point it makes people realize that they are not going to share with you. In the absence of sharing what is left of an interrelationship?

I change my mind all the time. I'm quite happy to be won around.

I have tried to lead by example with you. I've done my bit. But after all of it I find that I am back to my original position - "There is no debating Stephen."

No offense meant.

None taken.