you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby barracuda » Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:52 pm

...you begin to wonder if Saddam Hussein might not have had anything to do with the 911 attacks.

...you find yourself mentally questioning the idea that your government has your best interests at heart.

...you come to acknowledge that your high heeled shoes might make it nearly impossible to run from an attacker.

...you think maybe the coalition has killed enough people in the middle east for now.

...you've begun fuzzily equating the philosophies of either political party with the other.

...when you read your paper or listen to the news, you can't get past the nagging feeling that they're not telling you something.

...you don't think this is a particularly good time to get a mortgage loan, or to swim in the Gulf of Mexico.

...you begin to notice that school budgets are cut while police budgets rise or remain the same in your community.

...you look at the ingredients on the label of the foods you buy at the grocery store and realise that you have no idea what those words mean.

...you wonder if your children might need to spend a bit less time in front of the television and video games.

...you can't figure out why the car you bought last year gets the same miles per gallon as the one you bought in 1985.

...you vaguely remember that when you were a child, your mother didn't have to work at all, and your dad only worked nine to five with a lunchbreak.

...you notice that the music on the radio sounds exactly like the music from ten years ago.

...you realise that your representatives in congress are all millionaires.

...you or someone you know has been laid off lately.

...you notice the church has the largest building in your town.

...your foreskin is missing and it occurs to you that you have no idea why.
The most dangerous traps are the ones you set for yourself. - Phillip Marlowe
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Nordic » Fri Jul 02, 2010 1:25 am

barracuda wrote:...you begin to wonder if Saddam Hussein might not have had anything to do with the 911 attacks.

...you find yourself mentally questioning the idea that your government has your best interests at heart.

...you come to acknowledge that your high heeled shoes might make it nearly impossible to run from an attacker.

...you think maybe the coalition has killed enough people in the middle east for now.

...you've begun fuzzily equating the philosophies of either political party with the other.

...when you read your paper or listen to the news, you can't get past the nagging feeling that they're not telling you something.

...you don't think this is a particularly good time to get a mortgage loan, or to swim in the Gulf of Mexico.

...you begin to notice that school budgets are cut while police budgets rise or remain the same in your community.

...you look at the ingredients on the label of the foods you buy at the grocery store and realise that you have no idea what those words mean.

...you wonder if your children might need to spend a bit less time in front of the television and video games.

...you can't figure out why the car you bought last year gets the same miles per gallon as the one you bought in 1985.

...you vaguely remember that when you were a child, your mother didn't have to work at all, and your dad only worked nine to five with a lunchbreak.

...you notice that the music on the radio sounds exactly like the music from ten years ago.

...you realise that your representatives in congress are all millionaires.

...you or someone you know has been laid off lately.

...you notice the church has the largest building in your town.

...your foreskin is missing and it occurs to you that you have no idea why.



:thumbsup001:


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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Belligerent Savant » Fri Jul 02, 2010 6:44 pm

.

... you suspect that any popular 'conspiracy' author is actually a stooge for the elite.

... you are convinced any major professional sports match of consequence has a fixed outcome.
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby thatsmystory » Fri Jul 02, 2010 11:36 pm

When you have the audacity to question the Afghanistan policy.
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby 82_28 » Sat Jul 03, 2010 2:07 pm

When liberal friends begin to tell you "you're always the bearer of bad news". But conservative friends say "hmmm, interesting. So I fucked this chick last night. . ."
There is no me. There is no you. There is all. There is no you. There is no me. And that is all. A profound acceptance of an enormous pageantry. A haunting certainty that the unifying principle of this universe is love. -- Propagandhi
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby operator kos » Sat Jul 03, 2010 4:17 pm

...liberal friends sometimes think you're a wacko right-winger, and conservative friends sometimes think you're a left-wing kook.
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Brigit » Sun Jul 04, 2010 3:54 pm

You know you're a conspiracy theorist when ...... at age 12, for reasons you don't understand yet, you suddenly cannot stand up and salute the flag; despite getting detention, your body simply cannot move; so profound are your instincts and your paralysis that your teacher stops caring.

when ..... you compose and send out the following parody/jingle through talking animal e-cards outfitted in holiday bangles to your family (siblings, kids, parents, nieces and nephews) and close friends:

Your a Grand Old Flag

You’re a mean old flag,
You’re the highest price tag,
In the global corpocracy

You’re the emblem of
The blood of the dove
In a phantom democracy.

If a heart beats true
It is bluer than blue,
Neath all of the pretext and lies.
May the thieves be damned and killers rot
And the blinds lifted from all eyes.

You’re a mean old flag
But a damn useful rag,
For each piece a purpose you serve,
Should one clean his hose
Or blow her nose,
You’re getting the goods you deserve.

Let’s cook Uncle Sam
Up some green eggs and ham,
And give him a nip of weed.
Should old agreements be forgot
May your interests serve those in need ....... oh god, I think I'm completely out of my mind.
Into the light of the dark black night
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Alaya » Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:26 pm

operator kos wrote:...liberal friends sometimes think you're a wacko right-winger, and conservative friends sometimes think you're a left-wing kook.


Yeah, and then you realize that you don't have any more friends because they can't handle having their bubble of denial
broken. They prefer to stay in their fuzzy, cozy little cocoon of ignorance.
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Sweejak » Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:52 pm

...liberal friends sometimes think you're a wacko right-winger, and conservative friends sometimes think you're a left-wing kook but you're beginning to worry that you are probably just a schizophrenic.
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Simulist » Sun Jul 04, 2010 6:48 pm

You know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

...you've heard the phrase, "The die is cast," so many times you think you're playing craps.
"The most strongly enforced of all known taboos is the taboo against knowing who or what you really are behind the mask of your apparently separate, independent, and isolated ego."
    — Alan Watts
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Elvis » Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:43 pm

...when your secret imaginary girlfriend is Sibel Edmonds.


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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby AhabsOtherLeg » Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:00 am

operator kos wrote:You know you're a conspiracy theorist when you've become accustomed being followed in public by men in black with telephoto lens cameras. (happened to me when Hillary Clinton was in town)


Ah, but see, what you don't realise is that you ARE Hilary Clinton. So the security presence is perfectly normal.
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Nordic » Mon Jul 05, 2010 2:12 am

.... when you start wondering if Sibel Edmonds isn't a disinfo agent, seeing as how she hasn't committed suicide yet .....
"He who wounds the ecosphere literally wounds God" -- Philip K. Dick
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby AhabsOtherLeg » Sat Jul 17, 2010 1:32 am

barracuda wrote:...your foreskin is missing and it occurs to you that you have no idea why.


Happened to me just the other morning. And if I ever get my hands on whoever took it...!... *shakes fist emoticon*

And Nordic... it's not committed suicide, it's "committed suicide", with inverted commas, always. That's simple grammar, man. Like i before e except after c.

Hmph. Amateurs! :lol:
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Re: you know you're a conspiracy theorist when...

Postby Montag » Sat Jul 17, 2010 1:39 am

...when Credo Mutwa officiates at your wedding.

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