Unfortunately, it's time for an Al Gore sex thread.

[barracuda]

Police blotter report of alleged sexual assault by Albert Arnold "Al" Gore filed by an unamed 52 year old female masseuse in Portland Oregon. Excerpts:

“He answered ‘Call me Al’ with a big smile as he stretched out his arms to wrap me into an embrace as a greeting . . .”

“I was shocked and I did not massage beyond what is considered a safe, nonsexual area of the abdomen. ... I went into much deeper shock as I realized it appeared he was demanding sexual favors or sexual behaviors.”

“I squirmed to try and get out of his grasp, telling him to stop, don’t, several times and I finally told him and said, You’re being a crazed sex poodle, hoping that he’d realize how weird he was being yet he persisted.”

“Before I could get away from his hand reach, he prevailed upon me to listen to just this one other song about women’s feelings and their inner self and trust that he said his wife introduced him to, which is about a woman choosing to let a man into her deeper self or some such things.”

“I was intimidated by him physically because he is a very large man, about the same height as me, maybe a little taller but a lot heavier than I was and clearly much stronger and he had a dramatic display of violent temper as well as extremely dictatorial commanding attitude besides his Mr. Smiley Global Warming concern persona.”

“I took em off and I said what’s those stains on the front of those? And I wondered if it was soap or bodily fluids from Gore pushing up against me repeatedly ’cause they were about here holding me down etc. with nothing on but his hotel issued terry robe with a belt to hold it closed. ... I carefully hung them up and decided to be sure not launder them until I knew more what to do with what had happened. Just my intuition.”

“I did not want to be labeled a gold-digger like women in this situation are often labeled.”

[Nordic]

“I did not want to be labeled a gold-digger like women in this situation are often labeled.”

Yeah, that's why she sold her story to National Enquirer for a million bucks.

[barracuda]

Washington Post:
"The executive editor of the National Enquirer says that the Oregon masseuse who made a sexual assault allegation against Al Gore asked the tabloid for $1 million but that the Enquirer did not pay her or anyone else in reporting the story."

[blanc]

“I squirmed to try and get out of his grasp, telling him to stop, don’t, several times and I finally told him and said, You’re being a crazed sex poodle, hoping that he’d realize how weird he was being yet he persisted.”

[barracuda]

Rather than simply rolling our eyes at the words of the probable victim of a sexual assault given during her statement to the police, can we examine the intricacies of why the premiere American environmental activist happens to be confronted by the record of this four year old incident during the height of the greatest environmental catastrophe in American history? While I assume some motivations here were originally of a pecuniary nature, I sort of take it for granted that the money - of which apparently none was paid that we know of - is not the solitary impetus behind the appearance of this particular story at this particular time, or even the primary goal of its current revelation.

[Nordic]

Rather than simply rolling our eyes at the words of the probable victim of a sexual assault given during her statement to the police, can we examine the intricacies of why the premiere American environmental activist happens to be confronted by the record of this four year old incident during the height of the greatest environmental catastrophe in American history? While I assume some motivations here were originally of a pecuniary nature, I sort of take it for granted that the money - of which apparently none was paid that we know of - is not the solitary impetus behind the appearance of this particular story at this particular time, or even the primary goal of its current revelation.

Well ..... yeah.

What about his split from Tipper? I haven't really been paying attention, but my wife said she saw somewhere that he'd been boning Larry David's ex-wife, you know, that other rich and priveleged environmentalist.

I mean, yes, the timing is obviously, possibly, connected to the oil-volcano and all its ramifications in this particular case, but the guy is splitting from his wife under somewhat scandalous circumstances. Maybe there's some connection there, too.

I dunno, it's almost three in the fucking morning and I should not be awake and I'm probably not making much sense.

[8bitagent]

Rather than simply rolling our eyes at the words of the probable victim of a sexual assault given during her statement to the police, can we examine the intricacies of why the premiere American environmental activist happens to be confronted by the record of this four year old incident during the height of the greatest environmental catastrophe in American history? While I assume some motivations here were originally of a pecuniary nature, I sort of take it for granted that the money - of which apparently none was paid that we know of - is not the solitary impetus behind the appearance of this particular story at this particular time, or even the primary goal of its current revelation.

Well the pressure is on to fight all environmentalism. Look at how people like Alex Jones are focusing their batshit "Christian patriot" insanity full throttle against environmental awareness. Saying for the last year that "exposing the climate change and environmental hoax" is his greatest priority. Eeesh.

[barracuda]

Bump.

[Cosmic Cowbell]

He wuz jus tryin to give er the "thumbs up". It was all a tragic mizunderstanding...

[Simulist]

Rather than simply rolling our eyes at the words of the probable victim of a sexual assault given during her statement to the police, can we examine the intricacies of why the premiere American environmental activist happens to be confronted by the record of this four year old incident during the height of the greatest environmental catastrophe in American history?

We could examine it, but I'm inclined to take a man like FDR pretty much at his word when he admits, "There are no accidents in politics."

[barracuda]

And even fewer coincidences. Err... I guess its hard to actually have fewer than none, but you know what I mean. The setup here is obvious. The Nobel Prize-winning environmental internet inventor and former Vice Presidential Oscar-winning activist needed to be neutralised - by any means necessary.



Send him The Red Haired Masseuse.

[Nordic]

Seems like a classic "he said/she said" situation.

The guy is famous, rich, and pretty powerful and makes Huge Corporate Interests stew, squirm, fume and bloviate.

Her? A rent-by-the-hour menopausal nobody who's trying to sell her story to a tabloid.

You decide.

[barracuda]

It's nice to know that you've been closely monitoring her ovarian function, at least.

[Nordic]

It's nice to know that you've been closely monitoring her ovarian function, at least.

I am making a safe assumption there. It's still an assumption, I'll admit.

I live in Los Angeles. Throw a stick you'll hit a masseuse. Maybe a couple of them.

Not that some of them aren't great. Some are. A lot of flakes out there.

[Simulist]

I live in Los Angeles. Throw a stick you'll hit a masseuse. Maybe a couple of them.

Well, some masseuses appear to be attracted to sticks. Does anyone remember the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry David gets an unexpected "happy ending" from a masseuse?

Three things happen concurrently: (1) Al Gore is rumored to have slept with Larry David's ex-wife, (2) Al Gore is rumored to have attempted a liaison with a masseuse, (3) the oil industry continues to try diverting attention from the level of catastrophe happening in the Gulf.

Hugh?