DISMANTLE IRAQ
Which brings us to Iraq. Of all the artificial nations of the Middle East, Iraq is the most bogus. Even the name “Iraq” reveals the wishful thinking of its architects. It means ‘’well-rooted country.’’ Of course, it’s not well rooted. Shiite Muslims form the majority of the country (assuming Saddam hasn’t killed enough to put them in the minority). The Kurds comprise another fifth of the Iraqi “population” (the quotation marks are there because it’s not clear that Saddam thinks the Kurds qualify as Iraqis, which is why he was so cavalier about gassing them). When Col. Edward House, an adviser to Woodrow Wilson, looked at the British plan for Iraq, he told the president, “They are making a breeding place for future war.”
The Ottomans never conceived of Iraq as a nation, in fact no one did. To the Turks the area was comprised of three imperial provinces centered on three respective cities: Baghdad, Basra, and Mosul. When the British laid claim to the area they made Faisal Hussein king of Iraq. He was well qualified for the job in that he had previously been king of Syria until the French decided they didn’t like him there (Faisal felt he’d been promised a kingdom over all Arabian lands). The Brits also made his brother Abdullah the King of Jordan (his descendents still rule there). The Husseins also got Arabia, but the Sauds — another tribe — stole it away from them and renamed the country Saudi Arabia (this is like me laying siege to Cleveland and establishing “Goldberg’s Cleveland” or “The Goldbergian Caliphate of Ohio” or something like that). Shortly before his death King Faisal wrote, “I say with my heart full of sadness that there is not yet in Iraq an Iraqi people.”
Anyway, there are any number of excellent reasons to topple Saddam Hussein: We should have done it the first time; he tried to murder the first President Bush; he’s developing weapons of mass destruction; he gassed the Kurds; he’s got that pickle-sniffer mustache; whatever. I don’t care. All of that is a conversation for another day.
The point for now is that Iraq shouldn’t have existed in the first place. It’s lasted this long thanks to the Stalinist repression of the Baath regime. And the only reason we didn’t get rid of it last time was that the Saudis despise the idea of toppling Hussein because they don’t want us to establish an attractive alternative to the nasty form of government they profit from. Well, boohoo for the Saudis. If they hadn’t found oil on their land they’d be a trivia question for students of comparative government today.
Wouldn’t such a huge move inflame the Middle East? Sure. Wouldn’t such a humiliating effort give Osama bin Laden exactly what he wants? Yes. Wouldn’t this cause the European diplomats to drop their egg spoons in disgust over such barbarism? Most definitely. Wouldn’t the civilized world — with the notable exception of the British — turn its collective back on us? I guess so.
All that would in all likelihood be true.
Until we win.
Jonah Goldberg, National Review, April 18, 2002
Guess who's "we"?