Mansplaining

[compared2what?]

[jlaw172364]

@8bitagent

I singled out the Republicans because their part is especially egregious, but many if not most Democrats are Republicans in drag anyways.

As for your woman issues . . . well, it always amuses me that both men and women complain about how they cannot get a "good" or "great" or "ideal" partner, yet they set their expectations impossibly high, especially in the looks department. If you want a girl that looks like a movie star, you yourself had better look like a movie star too, or did you buy into the Hollywood fantasy sold to lonely fanboys everywhere that if the hot girl could just see your comic book collection, she'd fall in love with you, after you rescue her from the rapacious meathead of course. And a lot of lady complaints about piglike men amount to them and their friends fighting over a handful of wealthy good-looking men, with the men saying to themselves, "Well, why NOT follow my biological imperative and get as many as I can?"

This situation is exacerbated by a combination of sedentary lifestyle and work with shitty GMO food additive diets making people fatter and uglier, thus turning health and good lucks into even more of a privilege.

In nature, one frequently runs across the phenomenon of the one alpha male mating with ALL the females, with the other males getting absolutely no sex, unless they get it on the sly, risking a beating or death from the alpha male. Or they can challenge the male to a duel, a la bighorn rams / sheep, and butt heads for hours at a time. So, nature is cruel in that regard.

On the other hand, I just read a story in the India Times about a Nigerian businessman who was "raped" to death by five of his wives, who were jealous of the time he was spending with his younger, sixth wife. They basically got him in a room and forced him to pleasure all of them in succession, and by the time he got to the fifth one, he had a heart attack or something and died. So, there is a flip side to being in demand.

Also, with regard to your view on it as being a program, there's this whole pick-up artist community basically doing the job of Cosmo and Vogue for Men, by programming them on how they should act around women to maximize their ability to get laid, so maybe what you're seeing are people acting out a bunch of predetermined patterns since they lack confidence in their own spontaneity.

I don't think the 60's were much better, even in the supposed countercultural circles. From what I've read, the issues were similar. People flocking to compete for the in-demand partners, who, having their pick, would treat everyone like shit.

[8bitagent]

@8bitagent

I singled out the Republicans because their part is especially egregious, but many if not most Democrats are Republicans in drag anyways.

As for your woman issues . . . well, it always amuses me that both men and women complain about how they cannot get a "good" or "great" or "ideal" partner, yet they set their expectations impossibly high, especially in the looks department. If you want a girl that looks like a movie star, you yourself had better look like a movie star too, or did you buy into the Hollywood fantasy sold to lonely fanboys everywhere that if the hot girl could just see your comic book collection, she'd fall in love with you, after you rescue her from the rapacious meathead of course. And a lot of lady complaints about piglike men amount to them and their friends fighting over a handful of wealthy good-looking men, with the men saying to themselves, "Well, why NOT follow my biological imperative and get as many as I can?"

This situation is exacerbated by a combination of sedentary lifestyle and work with shitty GMO food additive diets making people fatter and uglier, thus turning health and good lucks into even more of a privilege.

In nature, one frequently runs across the phenomenon of the one alpha male mating with ALL the females, with the other males getting absolutely no sex, unless they get it on the sly, risking a beating or death from the alpha male. Or they can challenge the male to a duel, a la bighorn rams / sheep, and butt heads for hours at a time. So, nature is cruel in that regard.

On the other hand, I just read a story in the India Times about a Nigerian businessman who was "raped" to death by five of his wives, who were jealous of the time he was spending with his younger, sixth wife. They basically got him in a room and forced him to pleasure all of them in succession, and by the time he got to the fifth one, he had a heart attack or something and died. So, there is a flip side to being in demand.

Also, with regard to your view on it as being a program, there's this whole pick-up artist community basically doing the job of Cosmo and Vogue for Men, by programming them on how they should act around women to maximize their ability to get laid, so maybe what you're seeing are people acting out a bunch of predetermined patterns since they lack confidence in their own spontaneity.

I don't think the 60's were much better, even in the supposed countercultural circles. From what I've read, the issues were similar. People flocking to compete for the in-demand partners, who, having their pick, would treat everyone like shit.

The typical Hollywood aesthetics people are programmed to think are "hot" make me vomit. I've rarely been attracted to Hollywood actresses, other than Kristen Schaal


Im mostly attracted to very warm/kind creative types. The Bernays/Madison Avenue engineering of what men are deemed "hot" and "sought after" is so laughable, I find it sad more people don't want to completely shatter this.

You mentioned a Nigerian male with six wives(I feel opposed to the whole multiple wife/husband paradigm, but anyways) I find it interesting how third world men in very very desperate situations
often have a wife and seem relatively content. Which, is kind of a commentary on how full of shit my country(Ameriduh) is

[jlaw172364]

Well, I guess it just amounts to a number game where you run around trying to find interesting women, and then ask them out, knowing with absolute certainty that while the majority will reject you, at least some will go out with you, and hopefully one will want to be with you. Every guy is in that boat, unless they're Brad Pitt and his wealthy Hollywood brethren, in which case, they get to worry about insincere, agenda-driven gold-diggers.

[8bitagent]

Well, I guess it just amounts to a number game where you run around trying to find interesting women, and then ask them out, knowing with absolute certainty that while the majority will reject you, at least some will go out with you, and hopefully one will want to be with you. Every guy is in that boat, unless they're Brad Pitt and his wealthy Hollywood brethren, in which case, they get to worry about insincere, agenda-driven gold-diggers.

Like my evolution from conspiracy-parapolitic beliefs to believing more in "syncs", I believe finding a (real) special someone (least for myself) is more meant to be/fate. It's hard for me to dog on people's religions, as I realize I have an almost unshakeable newer faith that's hard to define. It's like when I woke up late from the original movie showing I was intending on going to at the local art house cinema, and instead went later and met an amazing photographer in town from Paris for just a day.

[barracuda]

[Project Willow]

Wow. My thread has been raped.

[KUAN]

[Allegro]

---

Having kept in mind the original OP, I’ve added in good faith the following two posts, although they’re not quite reflective of the OP. The checklist you’ll see linked in this essay will be posted in the next space.
Highlights and format alterations mine.

_________________
How To Not Be A Mansplainer: Some Women Explain

Friend #2: Men should be mindful that women have a ton of experience having their voices silenced. We’re used to not being heard, whether it’s a man explaining to a woman why her opinion about the best album ever isn’t valid, or male politicians explaining what’s best for women and their bodies. The underlying implication in both of these scenarios is that men not only know more than women, but they know more about women than women themselves. I think men need to stop and remind themselves that women can be experts and authorities on any number of subjects. Maybe the woman you’re talking to actually knows more about metal than you. Maybe you should ask her questions and then listen to her answers, rather than talking at her.

I think it’s hard to [explain] the gendered aspect of mansplaining to men. Because, of course, there are also women who explain things in a condescending way. This might be something that men just have to take our words on. Men: trust women. Trust us when we say that you’re doing something that’s making us uncomfortable. There is literally no reason for us to make up the phenomenon of mansplaining. The cards are already stacked against women, and the last thing we want is to be labeled whiners or weaklings whatever it is that we’re being labeled.

A final word on the above: privilege is usually invisible to the privileged. So, you know, if you’re a man, and you can’t see the way your voice and your opinions are privileged over women’s voices and opinions, that’s not unusual. But you can combat that by paying better attention and making more of an effort to seek out and promote women’s voices.

Friend #4: May we delete whatever lies in the urban dictionary for mansplaining and, in its place, carve in stone [Friend #2]’s Mansplaining Manifesto.

Also, the worst mansplainer I know is a devil’s advocate. Constantly tricking you to say something that maybe you don’t mean in order to prove his power and superiority. Maybe he’s just an asshole, though.

Friend #1: a) A difference between explaining and mansplaining is that if I WANT something explained to me I will ASK. I did not ask you to give me 6 reasons why I should stop using Internet Explorer.

b) Condescension, presumption, and lack of social skills are definitely large factors, but obviously women can have these traits too. I think where gender comes into play is that (especially in discussing music) men speak in a certain way to me that they would never towards another man: steamrolling over what I say, breaking things down to basic levels, or aggressively quizzing me on anything I do add to the conversation. In a broversation, men assume equal footing about each other both in terms of knowledge and in simple ability to participate.

c) I was talking to my coworker about this, who is an art student very involved in the indie and underground punk scenes in Boston. She said that it’s clear to her that the men who talk to her about music/ film/ art believe she can only discuss things in terms of an emotional response. So if they ask her why she liked a particular piece, they urge her to respond in terms of technical minutia to prove that she can “think like them” rather than just liking something because it’s pretty or it made her feel good.

Friend #3: So here is my War & Peace version. How to not be a mansplainer? First of all, there’s that famous privilege checklist. There is never a moment when this checklist is not running through my head, and it’s because I face structural inequality all day, everyday, and especially because for the past three years I’ve been living in a place where I have checks and balances of privilege: I’m a white foreigner, but I’m a woman, but in the end the scales tip in favor of me being a white foreigner in a place impacted deeply by white colonialism. I think it’s also probably not a revelation to mention that the usual perpetrators of mansplaining have, in my experience, been straight white men.

Secondly, I was trying to think of concrete examples of men I know who do not mansplain but still engage in meaningful discussion and debate. Here are a few.


1.) Let’s call him “Fred,” because that’s his real name and I see no need for anonymity when it comes to accolades. Fred could be- operative could- be a textbook mansplainer, if he wanted to be. He is a white dude from Portland who has a shitload of knowledge about a shitload of different things: music, linguistics, China, etc. Here is how a conversation with him goes:


Fred: Here is a link to something about Egypt, and I thought it was pretty cool, and I wanted to see what you thought about it!

Me: Here is what I think about it!

Fred knows a lot. He could probably talk about Egypt pretty knowledgeably without ever having lived here, but instead, he defers to his knowledge base (music, linguistics, China) and lets me defer to mine and not only lets me do that, but actively asks me to do that.

2.) Hady is not a white dude. He is an Egyptian-American dude and we argue all the time. Like, every time we hang out there will be a point in the night where I tell him to die in a fire, whether I’ve been drinking of not. Our relationship is very adversarial and I don’t think I even realized I could actually be friends with him until we discovered our shared love of Harry Potter. He is one of my friends who disagreed with my whole stance on the People’s List, in part because he thought I was being catty and in part because he thought I was being too “men are like this and women are like this.” Both fair points. But here is the thing: when we engage in debate, he is not a mansplainer, because he assumes equal knowledge. We can yell “No, YOU are fucking wrong,” but the reason we can yell that at each other is because we have acknowledged that there is a level playing field and that neither of us is an idiot.

3.) Adam and Ryan are white dudes. They should each receive their own accolades but because they are two of my best friends and are also best friends with each other, and also because they have similar discussion styles, I am lumping them in together. Like all the dudes I’ve profiled so far, they are very smart and very opinionated, and you know what else they do? They ask me what I think. Like Fred, they have their specific knowledge bases (music, education policy, Latin America, particle physics) and they know that I have mine and they want to talk about that. Adam in particular, as a physicist, could have every opportunity to be a dick about things-he-knows-that-I-do-not, but he explains things in a way that reminds me of a patient dad more than anything. Also, having been in the sciences and having known women in the sciences, he is hyper-aware and hyper-sensitive to the sexism in that community. Also (and here is a big one) both of these dudes can admit when they are wrong. Like, I will have literally forgotten about an argument we had, and several days later they will say, “Oh, by the way, you were right about that thing we were arguing about. I looked it up.” Humility. That is a thing you need to have when you are engaging in knowledge-based discussions.

These examples are by no means complete, and in the interest of time I’ve left out a lot of other exemplary men (my brothers and dad, to name a few, as well as some male professor-mentors who totally went against the grain in terms of typical teacher-student power dynamics), but they offer a few traits that a non-mansplainer might have: he asks questions (what do you think?), he assumes a level knowledge playing field, he is humble, he is cognizant of his own male privilege.

Friend #1: To oversimplify, I think what we are all describing as non-mansplainers are those who engage us in the conversation and value our opinions or listen to hear us ask for more information rather than just giving it or assuming things about us. [Also I had] somehow forgotten the word cognizant, and henceforth on this day (the day of my birthday party!) I will do the following:
1.) use cognizant in every sentence
2.) listen ONLY to grimes ← Allegro added that link.

[Allegro]

---

Follows is the checklist that’s linked in the essay, ^ immediately above.
Numerous links in original.

_________________
The Male Privilege Checklist
An Unabashed Imitation of an article by Peggy McIntosh

In 1990, Wellesley College professor Peggy McIntosh wrote an essay called “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack”. McIntosh observes that whites in the U.S. are “taught to see racism only in individual acts of meanness, not in invisible systems conferring dominance on my group.” To illustrate these invisible systems, McIntosh wrote a list of 26 invisible privileges whites benefit from.

As McIntosh points out, men also tend to be unaware of their own privileges as men. In the spirit of McIntosh’s essay, I thought I’d compile a list similar to McIntosh’s, focusing on the invisible privileges benefiting men.

Due to my own limitations, this list is unavoidably U.S. centric. I hope that writers from other cultures will create new lists, or modify this one, to reflect their own experiences.

Since I first compiled it, the list has been posted many times on internet discussion groups. Very helpfully, many people have suggested additions to the checklist. More commonly, of course, critics (usually, but not exclusively, male) have pointed out men have disadvantages too – being drafted into the army, being expected to suppress emotions, and so on. These are indeed bad things – but I never claimed that life for men is all ice cream sundaes.

Obviously, there are individual exceptions to most problems discussed on the list. The existence of individual exceptions does not mean that general problems are not a concern.

Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being privileged does not mean men are given everything in life for free; being privileged does not mean that men do not work hard, do not suffer. In many cases – from a boy being bullied in school, to a soldier dying in war – the sexist society that maintains male privilege also does great harm to boys and men.

In the end, however, it is men and not women who make the most money; men and not women who dominate the government and the corporate boards; men and not women who dominate virtually all of the most powerful positions of society. And it is women and not men who suffer the most from intimate violence and rape; who are the most likely to be poor; who are, on the whole, given the short end of patriarchy’s stick.

Several critics have also argued that the list somehow victimizes women. I disagree; pointing out problems is not the same as perpetuating them. It is not a “victimizing” position to acknowledge that injustice exists; on the contrary, without that acknowledgment it isn’t possible to fight injustice.

An internet acquaintance of mine once wrote, “The first big privilege which whites, males, people in upper economic classes, the able bodied, the straight (I think one or two of those will cover most of us) can work to alleviate is the privilege to be oblivious to privilege.” This checklist is, I hope, a step towards helping men to give up the “first big privilege.”


The Male Privilege Checklist

1. My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.

2. I can be confident that my co-workers won’t think I got my job because of my sex – even though that might be true. (More).

3. If I am never promoted, it’s not because of my sex.

4. If I fail in my job or career, I can feel sure this won’t be seen as a black mark against my entire sex’s capabilities.

5. I am far less likely to face sexual harassment at work than my female co-workers are. (More).

6. If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.

7. If I’m a teen or adult, and if I can stay out of prison, my odds of being raped are relatively low. (More).

8. On average, I am taught to fear walking alone after dark in average public spaces much less than my female counterparts are.

9. If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question.

10. If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.

11. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent. (More).

12. If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.

13. If I seek political office, my relationship with my children, or who I hire to take care of them, will probably not be scrutinized by the press.

14. My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious and powerful the elected position, the more this is true.

15. When I ask to see “the person in charge,” odds are I will face a person of my own sex. The higher-up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be.

16. As a child, chances are I was encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters. (More).

17. As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.

18. As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often. (More).

19. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones.

20. I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.

21. If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.

22. If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.

23. I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.

24. Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.” (More).

25. I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability. (More).

26. My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring. (More).

27. The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time. (More).

28. If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. (More).

29. If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.

30. I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.

31. I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)

32. I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.

33. My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.

34. I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.

35. The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.

36. Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.

37. Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.

38. If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks. (More).

39. If I have children with my girlfriend or wife, I can expect her to do most of the basic childcare such as changing diapers and feeding.

40. If I have children with my wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.

41. Assuming I am heterosexual, magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily-clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.

42. In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. (More). If I am fat, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than fat women do. (More).

43. If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover. (More).

44. Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.” (More: 1 2).

45. Sexual harassment on the street virtually never happens to me. I do not need to plot my movements through public space in order to avoid being sexually harassed, or to mitigate sexual harassment. (More.)

45. On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.

46. I have the privilege of being unaware of my male privilege.

(Compiled by Barry Deutsch, aka “Ampersand.” Permission is granted to reproduce this list in any way, for any purpose, so long as the acknowledgment of Peggy McIntosh’s work is not removed. If possible, I’d appreciate it if folks who use it would tell me how they used it; my email is barry-at-amptoons-dot-com.)

(This is a continually updated document; the most current version of The Male Privilege Checklist can always be found at amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist . To see posts discussing the Male Privilege Checklist and various items on it, please visit this archive page).

[Hammer of Los]

...

I know I'm more than a little unusual, but that male privilege checklist contradicts my own experience.

11. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent. (More).

You gotta be kiddin' me.

And that's just one I take issue with.

I only read the post by Allegro.

Sorry 'bout that.

I always sought to somehow embody male and female characteristics.

It's a spiritual practice, essentially.

It's funny how things turn out.

Mostly I feel like a lonely '50's housewife.

Go figure.

That's why I enjoy AD's posts on the economic aspects of love so much.

AD's a real gem.

Anyway.

I just thought I would mansplain.

End division.

We can be alike yet different.

Each must individuate.

It's a paradox.

...

[crikkett]

The generalizations and stereotypes in Peggy's list, below, are about 1/3 wrong if the list is read by someone standing almost anywhere in the SF Bay Area.

This list just does not describe my experience, or my perception of the experience of the men I live with and encounter in real life (who are under 70 years of age.) It's not so bad as all this everywhere else is it? Is it a good thing to perpetuate false stereotypes?

8bit, don't give up! Look for where you truly enjoy yourself and what you're doing, and you'll find friends there.

Follows is the checklist that’s linked in the essay, ^ immediately above.
Numerous links in original.

The Male Privilege Checklist

1. My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.

2. I can be confident that my co-workers won’t think I got my job because of my sex – even though that might be true. (More).

3. If I am never promoted, it’s not because of my sex.

4. If I fail in my job or career, I can feel sure this won’t be seen as a black mark against my entire sex’s capabilities.

5. I am far less likely to face sexual harassment at work than my female co-workers are. (More).

6. If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.

7. If I’m a teen or adult, and if I can stay out of prison, my odds of being raped are relatively low. (More).

8. On average, I am taught to fear walking alone after dark in average public spaces much less than my female counterparts are.

9. If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question.

10. If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.

11. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent. (More).

12. If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.

13. If I seek political office, my relationship with my children, or who I hire to take care of them, will probably not be scrutinized by the press.

14. My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious and powerful the elected position, the more this is true.

15. When I ask to see “the person in charge,” odds are I will face a person of my own sex. The higher-up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be.

16. As a child, chances are I was encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters. (More).

17. As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.

18. As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often. (More).

19. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones.

20. I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.

21. If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.

22. If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.

23. I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.

24. Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.” (More).

25. I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability. (More).

26. My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring. (More).

27. The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time. (More).

28. If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. (More).

29. If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.

30. I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.

31. I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)

32. I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.

33. My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.

34. I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.

35. The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.

36. Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.

37. Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.

38. If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks. (More).

39. If I have children with my girlfriend or wife, I can expect her to do most of the basic childcare such as changing diapers and feeding.

40. If I have children with my wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.

41. Assuming I am heterosexual, magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily-clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.

42. In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. (More). If I am fat, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than fat women do. (More).

43. If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover. (More).

44. Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.” (More: 1 2).

45. Sexual harassment on the street virtually never happens to me. I do not need to plot my movements through public space in order to avoid being sexually harassed, or to mitigate sexual harassment. (More.)

45. On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.

46. I have the privilege of being unaware of my male privilege.

[compared2what?]

...

I know I'm more than a little unusual, but that male privilege checklist contradicts my own experience.

11. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent. (More).

You gotta be kiddin' me.

And that's just one I take issue with.

I only read the post by Allegro.

That's very plausible.

Sorry 'bout that.

Thanks for your heartfelt and sincere apology. It's very considerate of you to offer it.

Hey! When you were exhausting yourself with the intellectual effort of reading Allegro's post, did you notice this part?

Obviously, there are individual exceptions to most problems discussed on the list. The existence of individual exceptions does not mean that general problems are not a concern.

Okay. Well. Now you have.

[compared2what?]

The generalizations and stereotypes in Peggy's list, below, are about 1/3 wrong if the list is read by someone standing almost anywhere in the SF Bay Area.

It's not by anyone named Peggy. It's by someone named Barry. And if by "1/3 wrong" you mean that a third of the items are wrong, which ones?

This list just does not describe my experience, or my perception of the experience of the men I live with and encounter in real life (who are under 70 years of age.)

Once again, that's not actually enough to invalidate it.

It's not so bad as all this everywhere else is it?

On its own terms, it's a fair and accurate description of the world I live in, by and large.

Is it a good thing to perpetuate false stereotypes?

Both "false" and "stereotype" are strong words to apply to statements that aren't very obviously either -- a number of which are extensively supported by data -- without indicating why you think that's what they are.

Which third (or however many it is) do you think are false and/or damaging stereotypes?

8bit, don't give up! Look for where you truly enjoy yourself and what you're doing, and you'll find friends there.

Seconded. 8bit, I root for you and I root for love.

That said, your post could not have been more insensitive if you were a replica of Hugh made entirely out of Shamwows.

More in a moment.

[barracuda]

On its own terms, it's a fair and accurate description of the world I live in, by and large.

Agree. I recognize every single number on that list like an old friend who I can rely upon to loan me money.