New thread, for respect of Mods

[DeltaDawn]

O.K. have to speak up, because of reading/lurking all along; ty Free and I'll take it from here. O.K. just recently wrote Jeff with my new IPS address, he Cuda & Peregrine are welcome to punch into Facebook (which I've already stated I was part of). Lynn? if you wish, I give permission, ask Jeff for it and look, think I'm smart enough to set up a whole new identity? Read back what I've been saying and Filed too. Hell only way he found RI was me begging to show how to put an avatar on here and how to put links....whatever....

Personally would like to take suggestion to just start over if I would post something, if not? will give anyone any info they feel like they must have, just pm me, but let's not beat up other bloggers for their trust in folks trying to get their stories out here, and learn from others what they haven't figured out.

Admit, I know Cordelia, does RI have rules against friends being on this site??? I agree Filed told more than what I would have wished, such as coming from a family of Navy Intelligence......on other hand, have stated came from a personal Army background, do you think I have NOthing to offer??? Have I really showed some kind of 'trolling'??? Learn, accept, or not, I'm willing, or wouldn't be here groveling...sigh...the things we will go through just to learn.....sigh.... Have to say, even though son may have not have handled things as I would have?....am damn proud to have a kid who has figured shit out...because I certainly NEVER laid it all out to him.......Really proud! after all these years, he's finally got his mom...PtL

[82_28]

Wassup Delta? You know I have no problem with you, well, because I'm saying so and because it's true. But don't give this shit another thought. If one wants to be accepted "here" then just be accepted and be done with it. Contribute, post, do whatever it is we do here. Tell your stories, divulge what you know, but lest of all, don't worry. I don't know how much gossip goes down around here over PM, but I wouldn't worry about it.

Just take RI for what it is.

Thread locked I am sure in a matter of moments. Which is as it should be. This dump isn't a place where we should take things personally. It's just a place where we read words. I know because some here show an awful lot of affection for one another, it can make us think this shit is REALLY serious. It's not. Except it is. But no member on a board should ever make anyone else on the board feel unwelcome or nervous. I intend to speak my thoughts here, apologize where need be and say fuck you whenever I want to.

If what I envision of you is correct DD, then I think of you as a fine person. Yet this is how I envision you. You must admit that I could be wrong.

I shouldn't even be wading into this.

I just want to say, that if you're for real, don't worry. . .

And getcho ass off facebook. From what I understand, this place is nothing compared to that. I will never sign up.

[justdrew]

Not sure if this addresses your post or not but... in writing (especially on an internet forum like this) things can sometimes come across seeming more nasty or just different than intended, I wouldn't let anything here bother you, just chime in whenever and disregard any flak you don't feel like dealing with, nobody can please everyone all the time.

[Cosmic Cowbell]

Personally would like to take suggestion to just start over if I would post something, if not?

Just do it DD. You need no ones permission or blessing here.

One of the great things about RI is that it tempers and sharpens you, both for experiences virtual and in RL. I've been around awhile, through the Troll wars and have taken some fairly unpopular positions from time to time. I've been schooled, schooled others and often go back and reflect when I find my involvement here carries over into the real. It's like a journal of sorts in that way. Could I have used different words? Should I have let it go earlier, etc etc.

If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. I suggest you keep trying, if only for the opportunity to know that about yourself.

Either way, -I-, along with those who've written above, think you're OK. Hope that helps.

Onward.

~C

[Jeff]

perhaps everyone can let bygones be bygones, or we can move on to issues less centered around personalities and more on research and possibilities.

Let's do that.

[DeltaDawn]

Thought this would be a good place to clarify myself, once again. Thoughts on DID; realizing DID replaces the term MPD, it still is misleading for the understanding of 'some' victims. We think MPD and naturally think Sybil, who had no idea at all there were other 'alters' within. Now at least with myself, it truly is more DID, I know the alters, they don't do things I'm not aware of. In fact before coming to a complete (term used loosely there) understanding of my past, I wold always joke about, let me get my 'other hat' on. Consciously I'd search for the part of me needed at the moment, subconsciously I'd disassociate to find that 'inner' strength, that's the term I prefer over alter. Now I do admit to lost time but it was a long time ago and when I was in the military. This is one reason that victim's stories aren't being listened to, because some hear and say they are mentally ill, MPD/DID shouldn't be encouraged. It's the medical terms I have a problem with, but certainly am not ignorant enough to think it's a hoax. FWIW, I also don't like psychopaths, anti-social behavior, and borderline personality disorder all labeled sociopath.

Then we get to victim's stories: As the original experimenting was, the stories of healing will be very different, yet similar. So the ones reading them that state, don't encourage it, they also think they are all getting their so called memories from each other. I'd like to say we don't but when looking back, maybe. Now I had researched MKUltra long before reading the stories such as O'Brian/Sullivan/Shirmer/Wilder/Barr and a few others but after reading them thought.....hmmm, there is 'something' about butterflies, maybe it was this Project Monarch they speak of. Some of the stories I can relate to and others even to me seem far fetched, but that was the original intent, cause confusion and memory loss and in most cases they will either commit suicide or be institutionalized. But isn't it interesting that survivors all seem to be about the same age and have similar 'insanity issues' and they come from all around the world but primarily USA and England? It just doesn't have the feel of 'the big con', not all are making money from it, not all are seeing the same shrink, not all recovering the same way, very few really know one another, then there's always the admission of MKUltra in 1974. Just food for thought.

Since everyone knows that Cordelia and I are friends, I want to say something else to inform the talk of all victims feeding off one another's stories. It might be true to a certain degree but once again, it was planned that way. There were big efforts taken all through our lives for us to stay away from each other, one of us thought the other didn't want contact, the other thought drugs were such a problem, contact couldn't be made. When we did get together, it was amazing what we could share and help each other understand. Now I know Cordelia gave me some of my childhood, I had absolutely no recall of time before 8 except for a few photographs (even then didn't remember but saw I was really a kid lol) and memories of my sister, who didn't come around until I was 6. I can't speak for Cordelia but believe I did some of the same for her. What I'm saying is victims stories do 'trigger' memories but none of us have the same exact recollections, it just helps to jog our own....if that makes sense.

Peace

[Brigit]

This is from the thread "A Toast to Banned and Disappeared Posters": I don't want to stir the pot, but I do not take well to cold blooded jabs, as slight as they may be. I have called no one on this or any other online forum a "sociopath", nor am I associated with any "cadre". Cordelia is my cousin and seminal in my healing. We ironed out misunderstandings months ago after explaining ourselves, apologized for inadvertently pushing buttons, and expressed appreciation for why our entrance into RI might be suspect. At one point I impulsively jumped in (it's all or nothing with me), disclosed to the extreme on the MC/delusion thread and truly appreciated the support. I also took some warnings very seriously that came from a number of people, some privately, and the magnitude of the stakes involved hit me, hence I deleted anything that might put me at risk. Until fairly recently I was completely naive about online politics and subcultures. I had never heard of a sock puppet or trolls. I would embrace the opportunity to exchange thoughts/feelings about crimes committed by those who fight for social justice and take their sweet children into the backrooms. Some of us are from high profile families and have much to offer in terms of piecing together a fractured history, but how and where and for whom? The feelings expressed on this thread feel to me like more than someone just trying to pick a fight. I believe you are well intended, Free.
Brigit

[Jeff]

I would embrace the opportunity to exchange thoughts/feelings about crimes committed by those who fight for social justice and take their sweet children into the backrooms.

Can you embrace the opportunity to explain this statement?

[DeltaDawn]

Wow, more power to brigit, cause this EXactly what we've been trying to explain and haven't been given the chance,,,,,Brigit????? you're probably braver than I, I'll jump in there if you give the first step????? You give first step, I'll give second maybe???? Admit, there are some braver than I, don't know how to jump into this request, but will try my best to 'give' what I know! Although have to admit, get what brigit is saying about those who fight for social justice, I'm one of those children they took into back rooms and know we've been 'shut up' because 'they' are all that, and we are just 'children'???....Not any more!!!! Great interest Jeff??? hope so!!!!!

[Cordelia]

I know, nobody needs repeated advice, ad nauseam, but the internet really isn’t safe, no matter who’s interested. Just saying………

[Luther Blissett]

I'm not following. Promoting social justice within my profession is one of my duties on the board of directors of my professional association. What exactly should I be warned of?

[82_28]

The Internet is safe as fuck. Just don't give away too many deets about who you are. Do your business as anonymously as possible. Deal with only entities you know and those you have struck a "friendship" with. It takes 2000 posts or more per forum. Just kiddin.

When I was a kid, I used to get home from school and get these prank calls when my dad wasn't there. Scared the living fuck out of me. I assume it was karma for making so many prank calls during sleepovers with friends.

But the Internet is as safe and as free as it's gonna get. This is it. Live it up.

[LilyPatToo]

82_28, you are a well-intentioned person with real heart, but I think you're possibly misunderstanding what the consequences might be for a survivor of systematized abuse who speaks up online. Each of us has to weigh the possible fall-out from getting specific here or anywhere else. In the end, it's nothing to do with trust or even how well you can hide who you are (there is absolutely no hiding from the people we have cause to fear, BTW) and everything to do with what we're willing to risk and what we aren't. And the answer is different for each of us, according to our current mental, physical and emotional health and our life circumstances. And how angry we are matters quite a bit too.

Since I began to find out about the programs and post about them, I've been surrounded on a crowded freeway while doing 65 mph and menaced by men driving shiny new white trucks. Once, one of them driving a huge Escalade actually repeatedly bumped the rear bumper of the little Prius I was driving. I've been accessed and lost sizable chunks of time. I've even been confronted on a public street by a furious handler (a government scientist who should have known better). I've had well-dressed young strangers come up to me in public and shout the same abusive words at me--and one of them threw a punch too. But I am so furiously angry at what these people have done to me and to people I love that my decision was to go on posting anyway.

My best guess is that I'm not important enough to silence. If I'm wrong about that, well, I've outlived many other people like me already. I have evidence of having been subjected to radiation experiments, so I have no idea how long I have left to to on being a pain in the neck to the local program people. My son died of a radiation-caused cancer before he was 13, so I know that the amounts used back in the day in the W PA programs were lethal. And I've been fighting severe depression all my life. I've decided to go down fighting, but that's my own choice. Other survivors have to make that call for themselves. I just wish that there was some way to make clear to the people we encounter online just how gut-level scary it is to talk at all about this stuff. Me, I hold back all specifics about the Mafia men with whom I was forced to interact. Other survivors I've met have the same policy but about the scientists. It's all about evaluating risk and tolerance of fear, but it's not easy, believe me. And in my experience some people will always misunderstand a survivor's motives, no matter what they decide.

LilyPat

[Project Willow]

...I do not take well to cold blooded jabs, as slight as they may be. I have called no one on this or any other online forum a "sociopath", nor am I associated with any "cadre".

Sentence one is about as close to being a refutation of sentence two that I have I ever seen, as well as a lie, and exemplifies the level of personal nastiness I first encountered with these posters a year ago, and which has informed my reaction to them ever since.

I would embrace the opportunity to exchange thoughts/feelings about crimes committed by those who fight for social justice and take their sweet children into the backrooms.

I will echo Jeff here and require that you, username Brigit, clarify your statement. To whom specifically do you refer? In Washington State defamation is not only a civil but a criminal offense. I have been and will continue to provide all of this material to my attorney.

[Brigit]

Brigit wrote:
I would embrace the opportunity to exchange thoughts/feelings about crimes committed by those who fight for social justice and take their sweet children into the backrooms.
********
Jeff wrote:
Can you embrace the opportunity to explain this statement?
********
Jeff, I share DeltaDawn's and LilyPatToo's wish to just speak out to a wide audience, to push through a wall of silence in an attempt to understand things that happened to me and friends at the hands of powerful people who publicly tout social justice. I also really take Cordelia seriously when she says there is no safe place for these discussions on the internet. i disclosed enough of my story last winter that left me panicking and so I deleted it. 82_28, I really appreciate your reassurance, but I have to be careful because I am prone to impulsive disclosures that just kind of pop out. LPT and DD, you have been so supportive and kind and I know from what you have written that you have suffered beyond measure. The world is so terrible and wonderful!

Brigit