Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby mentalgongfu2 » Thu May 21, 2020 2:44 am

Wow. and you couldn't choose a better source for this factual story, 0_0?
So, here's some story comments that should come from The Onion but don't. BTW, this is ALL the comments as of this posting.

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James Willy • 16 hours ago • edited

At least one of these pieces a shyt is dead. What a waste of tax money paying for these idiots. Hope the other guy is permantly disabled now. Too bad we have to pay tax for that scumbag now to stay alive.

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ke4ram • 13 hours ago

Well,,, at least the medical 'heros' now have something to do.... rather than sitting around in empty hospitals.

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Sunny Cloud • 12 hours ago • edited

Very good! Need more!
Every day one plain filled by reptilian servants should crash!
God knows what He is doing!


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richard kingston • 10 hours ago

snowbirds crash all the time, its nothing new. they are supposed to show off how great Canada is and not a US owned and dominated nation it really is.
"When I'm done ranting about elite power that rules the planet under a totalitarian government that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets parched. That's why I drink Orange Drink!"
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Thu May 21, 2020 2:59 am

^^^ wow. Thoughtful and literate readership there.
“The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.” ― Joan Robinson
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Thu May 21, 2020 3:28 am

Yes, obviously the real crazy story here is some comments on the internet somewhere, and not a military jet "celebrating healthcare workers" crashing into a home, thanks for staying alert guys! i humbly stand corrected and bow my head in shame.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Thu May 21, 2020 9:58 am

Here is my own comment on the same story (on the site that shall not be named) about the dumb militarist jet spectacle resulting in a predictable crash.

May 17 at 6:58 PM ·
Is anyone surprised? This has happened many times. It could have happened in New York City last month. Hundreds of civilians have died in such accidents.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/cana ... e-n1208961



Should I be accepting NBC and its corporate media like as a fact of life?

Using NBC as a source avoids liberals who would do the thing where they ignore the story and attack the publication that published it. (On RI, of course, it may provoke non-liberals who do the thing where they ignore the story and attack the publication that published it.)

Regarding Anti-Empire, I certainly wouldn't be happy about any source that thinks the headline for this predictable outcome from the deadly spectacle of militarist insanity should be "Peak Government." That's clearly a different, Breitbart-style agenda.

I guess my choice of which story to cite would have been settled by looking at "Anti-Empire's" own choice, which comes at the end:

Source: NBC News


Anyway, I can't say the libertarian-inflected faux-anarch bizarroland right-wing anti-imperialism (I certainly support the last) at "Anti-Empire" is, um, unseen at RI. Or that I've been 100% immune to it in the past. Let those of us without sin...

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Sun May 24, 2020 7:45 am

Can the coronavirus be spread through farts?
Two Australian doctors are weighing in about the spread of the coronavirus “down under” — whether it can be spread through farts, that is.

https://nypost.com/2020/04/20/can-the-c ... ugh-farts/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Sun Jun 07, 2020 1:55 pm

A restaurant is testing plastic 'shield pods' to keep diners safe during the coronavirus pandemic
CANELA LÓPEZ
MAY 29, 2020, 4:13 AM

Plastic cones suspended over the faces of patrons might be the new trend for restaurants reopening their doors during the pandemic.


Image

https://www.businessinsider.com.au/a-restaurant-is-testing-plastic-shield-pods-keep-diners-safe-2020-5

bon appétit!
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 0_0 » Sun Jun 07, 2020 2:08 pm

Worried about coronavirus while having sex? Wear a mask, says a new study
Posted June 5, 2020 10:05 a.m. EDT
By Scottie Andrew, CNN

CNN — Practice social distancing, wear a mask, wash your hands (for at least 20 seconds) -- the recommendations to prevent coronavirus are a familiar refrain to most Americans. There's little guidance, though, when it comes to sex in the age of Covid-19. So three Harvard physicians examined the likelihood of coronavirus infection in a number of sex activities. And to better prevent infection during sex between partners who haven't been isolating together, people should wear masks and avoid kissing, the authors write. These and more recommendations were published in the Annals of Internal Medicine.


https://www.wral.com/coronavirus/worrie ... /19131318/

Coronavirus: New lockdown laws in England make it illegal for couples living apart to have sex indoors
Lizzie Dearden Home Affairs Correspondent @lizziedearden
6 days ago

New coronavirus laws in England have made it illegal for couples who live in different homes to have sex indoors and stay overnight.
(...)
People who have sex outside can be punished under pre-existing laws on outraging public decency and indecent exposure.


https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/h ... 42171.html
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby stickdog99 » Sun Jun 07, 2020 3:02 pm

0_0 » 07 Jun 2020 18:08 wrote:
Worried about coronavirus while having sex? Wear a mask, says a new study
Posted June 5, 2020 10:05 a.m. EDT
By Scottie Andrew, CNN

CNN — Practice social distancing, wear a mask, wash your hands (for at least 20 seconds) -- the recommendations to prevent coronavirus are a familiar refrain to most Americans. There's little guidance, though, when it comes to sex in the age of Covid-19. So three Harvard physicians examined the likelihood of coronavirus infection in a number of sex activities. And to better prevent infection during sex between partners who haven't been isolating together, people should wear masks and avoid kissing, the authors write. These and more recommendations were published in the Annals of Internal Medicine.


https://www.wral.com/coronavirus/worrie ... /19131318/

Coronavirus: New lockdown laws in England make it illegal for couples living apart to have sex indoors
Lizzie Dearden Home Affairs Correspondent @lizziedearden
6 days ago

New coronavirus laws in England have made it illegal for couples who live in different homes to have sex indoors and stay overnight.
(...)
People who have sex outside can be punished under pre-existing laws on outraging public decency and indecent exposure.


https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/h ... 42171.html


I've been described as a "two-masker."
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Grizzly » Mon Jun 15, 2020 10:29 pm

https://boston.cbslocal.com/2020/06/15/ebay-employees-arrested-u-s-attorney-andrew-lelling-cyberstalking/
6 eBay Executives And Employees Charged With Sending Threats, Bloody Pig Mask To Natick Couple
June 15, 2020 at 4:15 pm
Filed Under:Andrew Lelling, Natick News

BOSTON (CBS) – Six former eBay executives and employees are facing federal charges after they allegedly led a cyberstalking campaign against a Natick couple they believed was critical of the company in an online ecommerce newsletter.

U.S. Attorney Andrew Lelling said the eBay employees’ harassment included sending the couple “disturbing deliveries” that included a bloody pig mask, a box of live cockroaches, and a funeral wreath. The employees also allegedly sent anonymous threatening messages and traveled to Massachusetts to conduct “covert surveillance” of the victims.

“It was a determined, systematic effort of senior employees of a major company to destroy the lives of a couple in Natick, all because they published content company executives didn’t like,” said Lelling.

James Baugh, 45, of San Jose, California, eBay’s former director of safety and security and former eBay director of global resiliency David Harville, 48, of New York City, were among the six charged Monday.

Also charged were Stephanie Popp, 32, of San Jose; Stephanie Stockwell, 26, of Redwood City, Calif.; Veronica Zeak, 26, of San Jose; and Brian Gilbert, 51, of San Jose. Each is charged with conspiracy to commit cyberstalking and conspiracy to tamper with witnesses.

Popp was eBay’s senior manager of global intelligence, Stockwell was the company’s manager of global intelligence center (GIC), Zea was a contractor who worked as an intelligence analyst within the GIC, and Gilbert was a senior manager of special operations for eBay’s global security team.

Gilbert is also a former police captain.

The former eBay employees are accused of sending this bloody pig mask and this book about death and grief to a Natick couple. (WBZ-TV)

Lelling said the Natick couple serves as editor and publisher for an online newsletter that covers ecommerce companies. According to prosecutors, members of eBay’s executive leadership team followed the newsletter and took issue with the content and anonymous comments under the stories.

In 2019, two members of the leadership team allegedly sent or forwarded text messages saying it was time to “take down” the newsletter’s editor. One of the messages said the group wanted to “crush this lady,” referring to the editor.

When asked if further charges could be filed against other executives, Lelling said “The investigaton is active and ongoing.” Two unnamed executives are included in the complaint that had roles above Baugh.

“I don’t think I would characterize the conduct as rogue, because as seen in the complaint, the directive to do something about this goes pretty high up the chain within eBay,” said Lelling.

The couple then received a host of deliveries aimed at intimidating them.

“These deliveries included fly larvae and live spiders, a box of live cockroaches, a sympathy wreath on the occasion of the death of a loved one, a book of advice on how to survive the death of a spouse, pornography mailed to their next door neighbors but in the couple’s names, Halloween masks featuring the face of the bloody pig, and the pig fetus which was ordered, but after an inquiry by the supplier, thankfully, wasn’t ever sent,” Lelling said.

U.S. Attorney Andrew Lelling on Cyberstalking Charges

On August 18 just after midnight, the eBay employees allegedly posted a classified ad on Craigslist claiming to be from the Natick couple inviting “singles, couples and swingers” to their house to party after 10 p.m. every night.

“People were encouraged to knock on the couple’s door, anytime day or night,” said Lelling.

All of the employees were fired by eBay following an investigation. Lelling said the company cooperated with investigators.

“For a while they succeeded, psychologically devastating these victims for weeks,” Lelling said.“The result as alleged in the complaint was a systematic campaign fueled by the resources of a Fortune 500 company to emotionally and psychologically terrorize this middle aged couple in Natick, with the goal of deterring them from writing bad things online about eBay.”

eBay said it was notified in August 2019 about the alleged conduct of its employees and launched a “comprehensive investigation.” All of the employees involved were fired in September 2019.

“eBay took these allegations very seriously from the outset. Upon learning of them, eBay moved quickly to investigate thoroughly and take appropriate action,” an independent special committee formed by eBay’s Board of Directors said in a statement. “The Company cooperated fully and extensively with law enforcement authorities throughout the process. eBay does not tolerate this kind of behavior. eBay apologizes to the affected individuals and is sorry that they were subjected to this. eBay holds its employees to high standards of conduct and ethics and will continue to take appropriate action to ensure these standards are followed.”

Part of the investigation included what role former eBay CEO Devin Wenig may have had in the incident.

“The internal investigation found that, while Mr. Wenig’s communications were inappropriate, there was no evidence that he knew in advance about or authorized the actions that were later directed toward the blogger and her husband. However, as the company previously announced, there were a number of considerations leading to his departure from the company,” eBay said.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Grizzly » Wed Aug 12, 2020 2:32 pm

Right-wing NC congressional candidate Madison Cawthorn deletes pictures from his vacation to Hitler’s retreat
https://www.jta.org/quick-reads
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Sun Dec 13, 2020 3:03 pm


Plastic surgeons say business is up, partly because clients don’t like how they look on Zoom


By Danielle Braff
Dec. 8, 2020 at 8:00 a.m. EST

After logging many hours on Zoom, Sarah Hayes became distressed.

“I noticed my face was starting to look older: fine lines and droopy,”
said the senior program manager for a financial firm in New Hampshire. “I’m definitely bothered by my lines more on video than in real life.”


https://www.washingtonpost.com/road-to- ... story.html


Reminding me again of Terry Gilliam's prophetic film Brazil (released 35 years ago!).


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bnx95KyQEAA
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby BenDhyan » Mon Dec 21, 2020 12:50 am

Apparently dogs not only eat homework....

Woman blames pooch for car crash into ditch: ‘The dog was driving’

By Tamar Lapin December 20, 2020

An apparently inebriated Canadian woman drove into a ditch — and had a far-fetched excuse for the police.

“The dog was driving,” she allegedly said, according to cops.

Royal Canadian Mounted Police found the 58-year-old motorist and her pooch on Dec. 1, after receiving a report that someone had driven into a ditch in Vancouver Island.

“The woman told police that it was just her and her dog inside the vehicle at the time it was driven into the ditch – and that the dog was driving,” the Comox Valley RCMP said in a statement.

But cops sniffed that something about her claim was off — and suspected the woman had been drinking.

“The officer quickly developed the opinion that this woman’s ability to operate her motor vehicle was affected by alcohol,” the statement said.

https://nypost.com/2020/12/20/woman-blames-dog-for-car-crash-into-ditch/

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby dada » Mon Dec 21, 2020 9:59 am

Good detective work. That cop should be promoted.
Both his words and manner of speech seemed at first totally unfamiliar to me, and yet somehow they stirred memories - as an actor might be stirred by the forgotten lines of some role he had played far away and long ago.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby BenDhyan » Sun Jan 17, 2021 2:39 am

:shrug:
Thief steals car with child in it — then lectures the mom

By Kathianne Boniello January 16, 2021

An Oregon thief stopped mid-heist to scold a mom about her parenting — after he realized she’d left her young kid in the backseat of the car he’d just stolen.

The bizarre episode unfolded outside a grocery store in the Portland suburb of Beaverton Saturday, when the mom left her 4-year-old in a booster seat inside the running car.

It was unlocked when she ran in to buy a gallon of milk and some meat, according to the Oregonian.

The thief happened to be walking by, hopped in the 2013 Honda Pilot and took off.

He apparently quickly realized he had gotten more than he bargained for.

He pulled a U-turn in an adjacent parking lot and drove back to the store.

Once there, the bad guy gave the mom a piece of his mind, said Beaverton police spokesman Officer Matt Henderson.

“He actually lectured the mother for leaving the child in the car and threatened to call the police on her,” Henderson said.

The mom grabbed her kid on the thief’s orders before he again drove off with her car, cops said.

“Obviously, we’re thankful he brought the little one back and had the decency to do that,” Henderson said.




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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby RocketMan » Tue Mar 23, 2021 3:00 am

https://metro.co.uk/2021/03/21/queen-se ... -14279545/

Queen ‘set to appoint diversity tsar’ after Harry and Meghan’s racism storm

The Queen is reportedly set to appoint a diversity tsar to modernise the monarchy.

It comes after bombshell allegations from Prince Harry and Meghan Markle about racism in the Royal Family.

Sources suggest the possible move is an acceptance that ‘more needs to be done to champion minorities’ rights’ The Mail on Sunday reported.

The drive across Buckingham Palace, Kensington Palace and Clarence House will see officials speak to various individuals and organisations about how to improve representation. It will also see a new drive to improve its approach to the disabled, gay, trans and ethnic minority communities.
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