Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Wed Dec 13, 2017 7:22 pm

Advocates for homeless animals shoo homeless humans w/robot bearing images of pets. Rich.

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Animal shelter faces backlash after using robot to scare off homeless people

An animal shelter in San Francisco has been criticized for using a robot security guard to scare off homeless people.


By James Vincent@jjvincent Dec 13, 2017, 6:43am EST

The San Francisco branch of the SPCA (the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) hired a K5 robot built by Knightscope to patrol the sidewalks outside its facilities. According to a report from the San Francisco Business Times, the robot was deployed as a “way to try dealing with the growing number of needles, car break-ins and crime that seemed to emanate from nearby tent encampments of homeless people.”

Jennifer Scarlett, president of the SF SPCA told the Business Times last week: “We weren’t able to use the sidewalks at all when there’s needles and tents and bikes, so from a walking standpoint I find the robot much easier to navigate than an encampment.”

The robot in question is equipped with four cameras, moves at a pace of three miles per hour, and is cheaper than a human security guard — costing around $6 an hour to rent. Knightscope’s bots are some of the most popular robot guards around and have popped up in the news in the past. The same model of robot previously knocked over a toddler in a mall and fell into a fountain in DC. Knightscope says its robots are intended as deterrents, and for providing mobile surveillance.

Reaction to the news on social media has been overwhelming negative, with people shaming the SPCA for deploying the machine, and encouraging others to vandalize or destroy it.
https://www.theverge.com/2017/12/13/167 ... -francisco


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The same model of robot previously knocked over a toddler in a mall and fell into a fountain in DC.


The robot, not the toddler

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Fri Dec 15, 2017 4:01 pm

A water fountain at the EPA backed up and started spewing sewage into the hallway

Image
https://www.eenews.net/eenewspm/2017/12 ... 1060069063
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:40 pm

'Negro' Not Allowed On Federal Forms? White House To Decide

https://www.npr.org/2017/12/13/56831702 ... -to-decide
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:43 pm

ASTRONAUT GROWS 3.5 INCHES IN SPACE—MAY NOT FIT IN SPACECRAFT SEAT FOR RIDE HOME
http://www.newsweek.com/astronaut-grows ... ome-775289
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Sat Mar 24, 2018 9:32 am

What professional driver hasn't slapped their own face silly to wake up, but using a pair of tweezers, on a bus full of passengers? :shock:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWCmqRMwM8M

At some point on the 20-plus-hour bus trip between Phoenix and Dallas, passengers’ attention turned from the Southwestern scenery to what was going on in the driver’s seat.

“The bus was leaning a little bit,” Philip Hurd told CBS-11 on Thursday, after he and nearly four-dozen others had reached the safety of the downtown Dallas Greyhound terminal.

Hurd swayed back and forth, imitating the bus. “That’s when people really started to get, you know, worried.”


Only the driver seemed unconcerned by her driving, passengers told the station.

“We saw her going like this, and just dozing off,” Jasmine McClellan said, sinking her head and then jerking it up like a student half-sleeping in class. “I politely asked her four times to pull over.”

As the bus sped and wobbled toward Dallas, McClellan said, politeness eventually had to go out the window.

“It got to the point we had to raise our voice. ‘Pull over! We have children on this bus!’ ”
she said. “She’d be going over the white line, and everyone would be like, ‘Wake up!’ ”

Instead of pulling over, McClellan said, the driver tried to ward off sleep by jabbing herself in the face with a pair of tweezers.


Finally, what CBS called a “mutiny” took place on the Greyhound. It was partially captured on video.

A man got out of his seat and stood directly behind the driver, clapping his hands above her head as he screamed: “You should have stopped when you were swerving! You should have stopped when you were swerving!”

Still not willing to pull over, passengers told CBS that the driver stood up while the bus was still moving to argue with the man.


“So get off the bus,” she said in the video.

“I bet I don’t,” the man said.

“You’re doing too much.”

“No, you’re doing too much.”

The man then turned around and asked the other passengers who — he or the driver — was doing too much at that moment.

“She is!” a chorus replied.

More: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/dr- ... 678dd4bd78


While Greyhound reports top safety ratings from the Transportation Department, CNN accused the company of failing to enforce rules requiring drivers to take a break every 150 miles. Greyhound had no response to the 2016 allegations, according to the network, except to say its safety record was excellent.

Greyhound said much the same in its statement about the Phoenix-to-Dallas trip: “We take driver fatigue very seriously
.”


They obviously take their drivers' needs very seriously. :roll:
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Mon Mar 26, 2018 6:11 pm

Christians in the U.S. are Boycotting Sweet Jesus Ice cream

"Toronto-based ice cream parlours serve up blasphemy."

https://www.blogto.com/eat_drink/2018/0 ... ice-cream/
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby SonicG » Mon Mar 26, 2018 7:56 pm

The Greyhound bus story reminds of this prescient piece by Gerry Reith:

The Roots of Modern Terror
You are among the many passengers of a large bus careening wildly down a twisted mountain road. The bus is being driven by a drunk who is half blind. He and those near the front are also suffering from some sort of intoxication from gaseous emissions. They are also drinking. It is night; not even the moon is out to provide lighting. The main lights of the bus are broken from near-brushes with the steadily deteriorating old guardrails that are the only thing between the bus and a 2500 foot plunge off a sheer face cliff.

The bus is traveling at a truly high rate of speed, etc. Evidently the brakes are out. Only the screams of watchful passengers have kept the sleeping driver from crashing. Within the last few minutes more than four times the bus has had a near miss, headed straight forward into a sharp turn.

It is raining and the roads are slick.

You originally got into the bus to obtain protection from the elements. This was long ago; so long that you don’t remember. Way back when, some wise guy started the bus, and began driving. The drivers have been changed several times, but no matter what, they all speed up; they frequently promise to slow down some; and they all drink heavily from seemingly bottomless flasks stored near the front.

Most of the passengers sit, mute, staring off into space, rolling pout of their seats and not getting back into them. They seem paralyzed. Those that still seem conscious are divided. Most of them believe the bus is headed somewhere. So do the drivers. But others know that there never was any particular destination in mind. A while back you and some others found a map, inside something called a “history book,” and on the map was a picture of a road. The map has clear markings that day “Dead End.” In fact, it is a deader end than most; the map indicates that the road ends in an abrupt, unmarked precipice.

Some of the passengers want to get out but the windows and doors are welded shut. When they go up front to talk with the driver or his supporters near the front, who are also drunk, they are forcibly pushed back. Shouts have one result: the driver speeds up, and slumps over the wheel more frequently. Some of the passengers think that everyone should be quiet and enjoy the ride. Others are positively certain the driver should speed up. Still more don’t even think the bus is moving.

Once in a while a passenger goes berserk, doing great physical harm to those around him in attempt to go and seize the wheel.

According to the map, you are not far from the end of the road. Most of the people who are told this become immediately agitated and call for new drivers. They then attempt to go and take the wheel, which causes the present driver to swerve and screech around in an even more chaotic way. You just want to stop the bus and get out, but you cannot. To no one else has it occurred to stop the bus. And it seems those in favor of speeding up are gaining the upper hand; they are driven by the idea that if they get there faster everything will be okay.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Pele'sDaughter » Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:27 pm

https://www.theverge.com/2018/4/13/1723 ... -leak-memo

Apple has had 12 employees arrested over the course of last year for leaking internal information about future software plans, according to a memo leaked (ironically) today, spotted by Bloomberg.

The company said in a strongly worded memo that it had caught 29 people who leaked information last year, and 12 of them were arrested. Those 29 people included employees, contractors, and supply chain partners. “Leakers do not simply lose their jobs at Apple,” the memo reads, “In some cases, they face jail time and massive fines for network intrusion and theft of trade secrets, both classified as federal crimes.”

The memo attempts to curb internal leaks by warning employees that reporters and media outlets may try to befriend them, but the cost of a leak means reporters earn more web traffic while the employees could lose their jobs. “While it may seem flattering to be approached, it’s important to remember that you’re getting played,” it stated, adding that once a person loses their job for leaking, finding employment elsewhere could be hard.

Earlier this year, Apple caught an employee who leaked details of an internal meeting where Apple’s senior vice president of engineering Craig Federighi informed employees that certain software features in iOS would be delayed. Last year, another employee was fired for leaking details about the iPhone X, iPad Pro, and AirPods to 9to5Mac.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Pele'sDaughter » Mon Apr 23, 2018 3:49 pm

https://apnews.com/79dc2da81c644ef9bb97b844d88be1a5

A near-century-old outdoor recreation club will now refrain from going outside because it is too dangerous out in the wilderness, according to officials at Penn State University.

The Penn State Outing Club, originally founded in 1920, announced last week that the university will no longer allow the club to organize outdoor, student-led trips starting next semester. The hiking, camping and other outdoors-focused activities the student-led club has long engaged in are too risky, the university’s offices of Student Affairs and Risk Management determined.

Richard Waltz, the Outing Club’s current president, said that the decision was made by an office that never consulted them.

The decision was based on a two-month review that didn’t include consultation with student leaders at any of the clubs deemed too risky, according to students.

Two other outdoor recreation clubs — the spelunking Nittany Grotto Caving Club and the Nittany Divers SCUBA Club — also have been directed to end trip offerings.

“Safety is a legitimate concern, but it wasn’t an open dialogue,” Waltz said.

Christina Platt, the Outing Club’s incoming president, said, “I can hardly blame Penn State for protecting itself against further litigation after a number of high-profile scandals in the past decade.”

Student safety is the school’s primary focus, university spokeswoman Lisa Powers said in a statement.

Penn State conducted a “proactive risk assessment” not based on any previous participant injuries, according to Powers. She said Outing Club activities were rated high risk because they take place in remote environments with poor cell service and distance from emergency services.

Penn State still will offer a university-operated outdoors trip program, Powers said. The university-run program also costs much more for students, Waltz contended.

Michael Lacey, president of the Caving Club, told the Centre Daily Times he’s not surprised by the decision but says the university’s reasons for ending the club trips don’t make sense to him.

There’s a difference between going with somebody you paid to take you on a trip and going with a bunch of your friends, Lacey said.

Powers said Penn State staff members are meeting with student leaders about the transition and how the university might still support each group’s goals.
Don't believe anything they say.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Pele'sDaughter » Mon Apr 30, 2018 2:23 pm

https://www.theverge.com/2018/4/30/1730 ... ight-rider

Image
Judges of the prestigious Wildlife Photographer of the Year have disqualified a winning contestant after the anteater in his prize-winning photograph was judged “highly likely” to be a taxidermy specimen. Called “The Night Raider,” the image was taken by photographer Marcio Cabral and depicts an anteater underneath starry skies next to a termite mound dotted with glowing bioluminescence. A team of five scientists all judged the work to be a fake, a conclusion Cabral strongly denies.

The Wildlife Photographer of the Year competition is run by the Natural History Museum in London, and Cabral’s photo won the category for Animals in their Environment in 2017. The NHM started an investigation into the photo after it was contacted in March by anonymous sources who questioned the authenticity of the image. The NHM said it was given evidence including high resolution photos of a taxidermy anteater at Portão do Bandeira gate, one of the entrances of Emas National Park in Brazil where the winning photo was taken.

In a statement, the NHM said:

“After a thorough investigation, the museum concluded that the available evidence points to this allegation being true. As a result, the museum believes that the image breaches the competition rules, which state that ‘entries must not deceive the viewer or attempt to misrepresent the reality of nature.’”

The NHM said it consulted with external experts who specialize in South American mammals and anteaters on the photo. They worked independently and said there were “elements of the animal’s posture, morphology, raised tufts of fur and patterns on the neck and head that are too similar for the images to show two different animals.”
Image
A photograph of the taxidermy anteater, provided by anonymous third-party sources

The NHM said Cabral had fully cooperated with the investigation and supplied RAW file images taken before and after the winning shot, but none included the anteater. Cabral also provided a witness who said he saw the live anteater and also gave the NHM an explanation about why he had no other images of the anteater. According to The Guardian, Cabral’s original caption for the photo claimed he spent days frustrated by rain at Emas National Park, before a “giant anteater ambled out of the darkness,” staying “just long enough” to be captured in one single long-exposure shot.

Cabral is no longer considered a category winner of the competition, and the photograph has been removed from the NHM’s exhibition, website, and world tour. The NHM said Cabral will not be able to enter the competition again.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Mon Apr 30, 2018 2:38 pm

http://www.latimes.com/business/technology/la-fi-tn-microsoft-copyright-20180426-story.html

Electronics-recycling innovator is going to prison for trying to extend computers' lives

By Washington Post
Apr 26, 2018 | 1:10 PM
Image
Eric Lundgren dismantles e-waste for hybrid recycling at his facility in Chatsworth. (David Sprague)

A Southern California man who built a sizable business out of recycling electronic waste is headed to federal prison for 15 months after a federal appeals court in Miami rejected his claim that the "restore discs" he made to extend computers' lives had no financial value, instead ruling that he had infringed on Microsoft Corp. to the tune of $700,000.

The appeals court upheld a federal district judge's ruling that the discs Eric Lundgren made to restore Microsoft operating systems had a value of $25 apiece, even though the software they contained could be downloaded free and the discs could only be used on computers that already had a valid Microsoft license. The U.S. 11th Circuit Court of Appeals initially granted Lundgren an emergency stay of his prison sentence, shortly before he was to surrender, but then affirmed his original 15-month sentence and $50,000 fine without hearing oral argument in a ruling issued April 11.

Lundgren, 33, has become a renowned innovator in the field of electronic waste, or e-waste, using discarded parts to do things such as construct an electric car, which in a test far outdistanced a Tesla on a single charge. He built the first "electronic hybrid recycling" facility in the United States, which turns discarded cellphones and other electronics into functional devices, slowing the stream of harmful chemicals and metals contained in those devices into landfills and the environment. His Chatsworth company, IT Asset Partners, processes more than 41 million pounds of e-waste each year and counts IBM, Motorola and Sprint among its clients.

"This is a difficult sentencing," U.S. District Judge Daniel T.K. Hurley told him last year, "because I credit everything you are telling me. You are a very remarkable person."

Before he launched IT Asset Partners, Lundgren lived in China learning about the stream of e-waste, and also finding ways to send cheap parts to the U.S. to keep electronics running. One of his projects was to manufacture thousands of "restore discs," supplied by computer makers as a way for users to restore Windows software to a hard drive if it crashes or must be erased. The discs can only be used on a computer that already has a license for the Windows operating system, and the license transfers with the computer for its full life span. But computer owners often lose or throw out the discs, and though the operating system can be downloaded free on a licensed computer, Lundgren realized that many people didn't feel competent to do that, and were simply throwing out their computers and buying new ones.

Lundgren had 28,000 of the discs made and shipped to a broker in Florida. Their plan was to sell the discs to computer refurbishing shops for about 25 cents apiece, so the refurbishers could provide the discs to used-computer buyers and wouldn't have to take the time to create the discs themselves. And the new user might be able to use the disc to keep their computer going the next time a problem occurred.

But in 2012, U.S. Customs officers seized a shipment of discs and began investigating. The discs were never sold. Eventually, the Florida broker, Robert Wolff, called Lundgren and offered to buy the discs himself as part of a government sting, Lundgren said. Wolff sent Lundgren $3,400 and the conspiracy was cemented. Both were indicted on a charge of conspiracy to traffic in counterfeit goods and criminal copyright infringement. Wolff made a plea deal and received a sentence of six months of home arrest.

Lundgren pleaded guilty but argued that the value of his discs was zero, so there was no harm to anyone. Neither Microsoft nor any computer manufacturers sell restore discs. They supply them free with new computers, and make the software available for free downloading, for those who have paid for the software and received a license — typically a sticker with a "certificate of authenticity" number on it. Lundgren said that he was trying to make the discs available again for those who needed them, and that they could only be used on licensed computers.

Initially, federal prosecutors valued the discs at $299 each, or the cost of a brand new Windows operating system, and Lundgren's indictment alleged he had cost Microsoft $8.3 million in lost sales. By the time of sentencing, a Microsoft letter to Hurley and a Microsoft expert witness had reduced the value of the discs to $25, stating that was what Microsoft charged refurbishers for the discs.

But both the letter and the expert were pricing a disc that came with a Microsoft license. "These sales of counterfeit operating systems displaced Microsoft's potential sales of genuine operating systems," Microsoft lawyer Bonnie MacNaughton wrote to the judge. But Lundgren's discs had no license; they were intended for computers that already had licenses.

Glenn Weadock, a former expert witness for the government in its antitrust case against Microsoft, was asked: "In your opinion, without a code, either product key or COA [certificate of authenticity], what is the value of these reinstallation discs?"

"Zero or near zero," Weadock said.

Why would anybody pay for one? Lundgren's lawyer asked.

"There is a convenience factor associated with them," Weadock said.

Still, Hurley decided that Lundgren's 28,000 restore discs had a value of $700,000, and that dollar amount qualified Lundgren for a 15-month term, along with a $50,000 fine. The judge said he disregarded Weadock's testimony. "I don't think anybody in that courtroom understood what a restore disc was," Lundgren said.

A three-judge panel of the 11th Circuit deferred to Hurley in his judgment that Weadock was not credible, and that "while experts on both sides may have identified differences in functionality in the discs, [Hurley] did not clearly err in finding them substantially equivalent."

Randall Newman, Lundgren's lawyer on the appeal, said there was no basis to seek a rehearing from the full 11th Circuit. Lundgren said an appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court would be a costly long shot.

But he said the court had set a precedent for Microsoft and other software makers to pursue criminal cases against those seeking to extend the lifespans of computers. "I got in the way of their agenda," Lundgren said, "this profit model that's way more profitable than I could ever be."

Lundgren said he wasn't sure when he would be surrendering. He said prosecutors in Miami told him he could have a couple of weeks to put his financial affairs in order, including plans for his company of more than 100 employees. "But I was told if I got loud in the media, they'd come pick me up," Lundgren said. "If you want to take my liberty, I'm going to get loud."

A spokeswoman for the U.S. attorney's office in Miami declined to comment Monday.

"I am going to prison, and I've accepted it," Lundgren said Monday. "What I'm not OK with is people not understanding why I'm going to prison. Hopefully my story can shine some light on the e-waste epidemic we have in the United States, how wasteful we are. At what point do people stand up and say something? I didn't say something, I just did it."

http://www.latimes.com/business/technology/la-fi-tn-microsoft-copyright-20180426-story.html
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Tue May 01, 2018 11:03 am

I love this kid and really glad I'm not his parent.

12-year-old boy uses family credit card to fly to Bali after an argument with his mother

Ronan J O'Shea

An Australian family were left terrified when their son was reported missing, only for it to transpire that he had stolen the family credit card and travelled alone to Bali.
As reported in 9 News, 12-year-old Drew* had a heated argument with his parents.

“He doesn’t like the word ‘no’,” his mother said.

He subsequently told them he was going to school. However, Drew had actually stolen the family credit cards and, after tricking his grandmother into giving him his passport, travelled alone to Bali. He was able to do so having researched Australian airlines which allow minors to travel with only a student ID and passport, rather than requiring a letter from a parent or guardian.

The boy took a train to Sydney airport and was able to check in at the self-service stations and get through security before waiting to board a flight to Perth, from where he caught a connecting flight to Denpasar in Bali.

“I sort of stuffed up because I got the deal cheap,” he told 9 News, adding that he was never asked why he was alone. “They just asked for my student ID and passport to prove I’m over 12 and that I’m in secondary school.”

https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/ne ... 17531.html

Bet they've changed that policy.


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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Grizzly » Wed May 02, 2018 4:10 pm

http://abcnews.go.com/International/iran-ordered-pay-billions-relatives-911-victims/story?id=54862664
A federal judge in New York on Tuesday ordered Iran to pay billions of dollars to parents, spouses, siblings and children of more than 1,000 9/11 victims, court documents obtained by ABC News show.

The default judgment issued by Judge George B. Daniels finds the Islamic Republic of Iran, the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps and the Central Bank of the Islamic Republic of Iran are liable for the deaths of 1,008 people whose families sued.

The lawsuit, which was first filed in 2004 and allowed to go forward in 2016 after Congress passed Justice Against Sponsors of Terrorism Act to open sovereign states accused of terrorism to liability, alleged Iran provided assistance, including training, to the 9/11 hijackers even though the 9/11 Commission found no direct evidence of Iranian support.


Federal Judge Who Previously Rejected 9/11 Lawsuit Against Saudi Arabia is Now Allowing Claims to Go Forward
https://www.levinlaw.com/2018/03/29/federal-judge-who-previously-rejected-911-lawsuit-against-saudi-arabia-now-allowing
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Wed May 02, 2018 9:57 pm

.

Great. Another all-time achievement in muddying the waters. Just when the Saudi suit advances.

That one is so dumb that somehow Bolton's not talking it up yet and Boss Tweet has yet to get his power thumbs in motion.

I'm surprised they have yet to retcon Russia as the true 9/11 perpetrator. It's coming, probably. Someone tell Louise Mensch, she'll do it. It's only been neglected so far because 9/11 has pretty much expired as a tool. Anyway, in the Russiagate Reality, the Facebook posts of the Bernie Sanders body-building coloring book was the new "Attack on America." Worse, even.

Seventeen years, man am I old.

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Thu May 03, 2018 12:04 am

Same judge in both cases, U.S. District Judge George B. Daniels. One plus two is not quite adding up to three here.

A federal judge in New York on Tuesday ordered Iran to pay billions of dollars to parents, spouses, siblings and children of more than 1,000 9/11 victims


Federal Judge Who Previously Rejected 9/11 Lawsuit Against Saudi Arabia is Now Allowing Claims to Go Forward



Not sure how this site works—
https://www.docketbird.com/court-cases/ ... 3-md-01570
—but was linked above; scroll all the way down for latest "In Re: Terrorist Attacks on September 11, 2001"
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