Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Fri Aug 02, 2019 10:12 am

SERIOUSLY YOUR WAY OF LIFE?

Rep. Cheney Accuses Tribes of “Destroying our Western Way of Life” Over Sacred Grizzly Protections

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Rep. Liz Cheney with House Republican leaders, Congressmen Kevin McCarthy and Steve Scalise
Published August 1, 2019

RIVERTON, Wyo. — On a momentous day for Tribal Nations, Congresswoman Liz Cheney (R-WY), the House Republican Conference Chairwoman, stated that the successful litigation by tribes and environmentalists to return the grizzly bear in Greater Yellowstone to the Endangered Species Act (ESA) “was not based on science or facts” but motivated by plaintiffs “intent on destroying our Western way of life.”

One of the largest tribal-plaintiff alliances in recent memory prevailed in the landmark case, Crow Tribe et al v. Zinke last September, when US District Judge Dana Christensen ruled in favor of the tribes and environmental groups after finding that the Trump Administration’s US Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS) had failed to abide by the ESA and exceeded its authority in attempting to remove federal protections from the grizzly. Tuesday, USFWS officially returned federal protections to the grizzly.


Grizzly bears in Greater Yellowstone
Removing protections from the bear, revered as sacred to a multitude of tribes, would have left the grizzly vulnerable to high-dollar trophy hunts and lifted leasing restrictions on some 34,375 square miles. Extractive industry, livestock and logging interests are among those desirous of capitalizing on the area, a region comprised of tribal treaty, reserved rights and ceded lands.

“If this wasn’t Liz Cheney and the era of the Trump Administration, you might be rendered speechless by the insensitivity and mendacity of the statement,” said Tom Rodgers, a Senior Adviser to the Rocky Mountain Tribal Leaders Council (RMTLC), who testified at May’s Congressional hearing on The Tribal Heritage and Grizzly Bear Protection Act. HR 2532, introduced by House Natural Resources Committee Chairman Raul Grijalva, was inspired by the Grizzly Treaty signed by over 200 Tribal Nations.

“So, in striving to protect our culture, our religious and spiritual freedoms, our sovereignty and our treaty rights – all of which are encapsulated in the grizzly issue – we are ‘destroying’ Cheney’s idea of the ‘Western way of life’?” questioned Rodgers. “I would remind the Congresswoman that at the time of the Lewis and Clark Expedition an estimated 100,000 grizzly bears roamed from the Missouri River to the Pacific Coast. That was all Indian Country. Now there are fewer than 2,000 grizzly bears and our people live in Third World conditions on meager reservations in the poorest counties in the US. Does she really want to talk about ‘destroying’ a ‘way of life’?” asked Rodgers.

“Unfortunately, it comes as no surprise that recent attempts by the Administration to remove protections for the grizzly, as well as blatant disregard for proper Tribal consultation, warrant our attention,” commented Congressman Joe Neguse (D-CO), who chaired the hearing on HR 2532. Rodgers’ written response to a question by Rep. Neguse traces contemporary wildlife management practices employed by the USFWS and the states back to the Doctrine of Discovery. The account, which has been widely praised by organizations including Sierra Club and Earth Justice, is posted in the Congressional Record (https://docs.house.gov/meetings/II/II13 ... QFR003.pdf).

“That response is vital for our people. I urge everybody to read it. We must be aware of where, why and how the status-quo came to be and understand that these actions consistently undermine tribal sovereignty and disenfranchise our people,” said Lynnette Grey Bull, Senior Vice President of Global Indigenous Council, who also testified at the hearing.

Grey Bull resides on the Wind River Reservation in Wyoming, among Cheney’s constituents. Both the Northern Arapaho Tribe and Eastern Shoshone Tribe passed official resolutions and issued numerous communications opposing the delisting and trophy hunting of the grizzly bear. The Northern Arapaho Business Council was compelled to issue a “Cease and Desist” letter to the Department of Interior “regarding consistent misrepresentations of the Northern Arapaho Tribe’s position on grizzly delisting.”

Cheney contends that, “the ruling that forced today’s action was both needless and harmful to the ecosystem, which is why I introduced legislation earlier this year to reinstate the original, science-based decision by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to delist the grizzly and prevent future court action on the delisting, returning management of the grizzly back to the state where it belongs.”

Tribal Nations, including the Oglala Sioux Tribe which petitioned for a Congressional inquiry into the influence of multi-national fossil-fuel corporations on FWS’s grizzly delisting decision, previously exposed the role of extractive industry in the process. USFWS engaged multinational oil and gas services group, Amec Foster Wheeler, for the peer review of its grizzly delisting rule that tribes and environmental groups deconstructed in court. Amec Foster Wheeler appointed Halliburton executive Jonathan Lewis as CEO in the same timeframe as USFWS contracted the company.

“That puts ‘harmful to the ecosystem’ into its true context,” responded Rodgers. “The Cheney family’s connections to Halliburton hardly needs elaborating upon,” added Chief Stan Grier, President of the Blackfoot Confederacy Chiefs. Grier and Blackfeet Chairman, Tim Davis, are at the forefront of the effort to stop the grizzly being delisted and trophy hunted in the Glacier National Park region, the heartland of Blackfoot Confederacy territory.

Cheney’s attempt to legislatively “prevent future court action on the delisting” was previously challenged by a coalition of tribes in testimony to the US Senate Environment and Public Works Committee.

“Any attempt . . . to legislatively nullify the Court’s ruling in Crow Tribe et al v. Zinke – to once again strip ESA protections from the grizzly bear – will, in addition to defying the Court, suborn the federal-Indian trust responsibility. Given that the Constitution states, ‘all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land,’ the rights of Indian tribes cannot be treated as ‘temporary and precarious,’ as would be the case if Crow Tribe et al v. Zinke was legislatively subverted,” submitted the RMTLC, the Great Plains Tribal Chairman’s Association and the Blackfoot Confederacy.

“There’s more chance of her father receiving the Nobel Peace Prize than her Grizzly Bear State Management Act reaching the House floor,” said Rodgers of Cheney’s bill.

Photos of Rep. Neguse and grizzlies © Alter-Native Media.
http://nativenewsonline.net/currents/re ... otections/
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Tue Aug 06, 2019 10:53 pm

Rep. Cheney Accuses Tribes of “Destroying our Western Way of Life” Over Sacred Grizzly Protections


If they don't like it maybe those tribes should go back where they came from!

(^^^ free Onion story idea)
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 82_28 » Wed Sep 04, 2019 2:56 pm

Christian TV host: God told me to divert Hurricane Dorian away from Florida, and it obeyed

Hurricane Dorian remained at category 2 strength this Wednesday and is still bearing down on Florida’s coast, but Rick Wiles isn’t worried.

On his TruNews broadcast this Tuesday, Wiles told his followers that as reports of the storm began to hit the airwaves, God “encouraged” him to “speak” to it and order it to divert away from Florida, where his show’s studio is stationed.

“As all of us listened last Friday to news reports and read online weather forecasts about the approaching category 5 hurricane, the Holy Spirit peacefully encouraged me to speak to Hurricane Dorian in the name of Jesus Christ,” Wiles said in a video clip flagged by Right Wing Watch.

“I called it my ‘faith forecast,'” he continued. “I anointed our building and our home with oil. I made the sign of the cross with the oil, I proclaimed protection in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

Wiles said that when he walked the perimeter of his television studio this Sunday while speaking “words of faith,” he commanded Dorian that “no wind, lightning, or flood waters would come near our building.”

“The Lord encouraged me to speak specifically to the storm: ‘What do you want it to do?’ I want that storm to turn and go northward. I want it to stay away from the coast. I want it to weaken. I want it to go out into the northern Atlantic and disappear. So, when I got up this morning and saw the hurricane path forecast, I just smiled at 4am and said, ‘Thank you Jesus.'”


https://deadstate.org/christian-tv-host ... it-obeyed/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Pele'sDaughter » Thu Sep 05, 2019 7:30 am

So, God thought it was totally appropriate to save the assets of Rick Wiles at the expense of poor Bahamians? That's why I can't believe in him/it. You're not any sort of supreme being if your standards are lower than mine.You and Rick Wiles can both go to your imaginary hell.
Don't believe anything they say.
And at the same time,
Don't believe that they say anything without a reason.
---Immanuel Kant
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Cordelia » Wed Sep 11, 2019 11:14 am

Ouch.

Australian teen's thumb replaced with toe after botched surgery

By Katie Shepherd
September 11, 2019

After Britney Thomas, a 17-year-old Australian cricket player, fractured her thumb during a game, doctors in April 2018 reassured her that a simple surgery and a short recovery in a hard plaster cast would soon have her back on the pitch. So Thomas expected a routine procedure at Latrobe Regional Hospital, a medical center about two hours from Melbourne. After repairing the bone, doctors sent her home.

Six days later she was back in excruciating pain, and when the doctor peeled off her cast, she was horrified to see a totally dead thumb. She’d soon learn that because of an error by the hospital, the thumb would need to be amputated — and replaced with her toe.

“It was an uncomplicated fracture, an uncomplicated surgery and a pretty awful mistake,” Tom Ballantyne, a lawyer who represents Thomas, told The Washington Post.

MORE: https://beta.washingtonpost.com/nation/ ... tated-toe/


eta: Not such a big deal I guess. :shrug:

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James Byrne has thumb replaced with toe after accident
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:27 pm

Two Amish men escape police after being pulled over for drinking and driving their horse and buggy
https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/18/us/amish ... index.html
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Thu Sep 19, 2019 5:25 pm

Two Amish men escape police after being pulled over for drinking and driving their horse and buggy


:lol: The funniest part is, they escaped! :jumping:
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:51 am

How do you make a contribution to reduce the debt?

There are two ways for you to make a contribution to reduce the debt:

∙ At Pay.gov, you can contribute online by credit card, debit card, PayPal, checking account, or savings account.

∙ You can write a check payable to the Bureau of the Fiscal Service, and, in the memo section, notate that it's a gift to reduce the debt held by the public. Mail your check to:

Attn Dept G
Bureau of the Fiscal Service
P. O. Box 2188
Parkersburg, WV 26106-2188


:roll: :lol: \<] :shrug: :zomg :starz: :?: :!:

Yet any day of the week they will gladly sell you a Treasury bond?
“The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.” ― Joan Robinson
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Fri Sep 20, 2019 8:35 am

Wow! This is a whole new level.

Still, it might be used for someone's benefits. Is there a way to send my money straight to the Pentagon, please?
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Etiquette question that should come from The Onion

Postby Cordelia » Fri Sep 20, 2019 10:56 am

Dear Miss Manners: My oldest child, age 24, is getting engaged. He is a trans man planning a pagan/cosplay wedding where guests are welcome to dress up in costume. His intended, age 21 (ish?), is a trans woman.

His other parent (my abusive former husband, with whom I have no contact other than through the courts) has also come out, transitioned, and is now a trans woman. Our divorce may or may not be final by the time the wedding occurs.

It is likely that my parents and I will throw a potluck/picnic reception, as people of modest means around here sometimes do, for the happy couple. I am not sure where the other set of parents is in all this. It's a little confusing.

I learned as a child that good manners were how you made sure that everyone was happy and comfortable. But I'm lost as to how to word the announcements/invitations, which names go on them, and in what order.


---------

Etiquette does not often concern itself with the relationship and backstory of its participants, only in who is doing the inviting.

Presumably everyone involved has names. Use them. Especially if they are different from the original ones, as this is a chance to alert people to updates in gender, names and pronouns.

Miss Manners would give you specifics, but she is not entirely certain who are the hosts at which event. If the couple is giving the wedding themselves, and you and your parents are giving the reception, the invitation may be worded thus:

“The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of Ms. Jace Payton and Mr. Cayden Smithton …” followed by the date, time and place, and then: “and afterward by Ms. Eleanor Smithton and Mr. and Mrs. Harrison Smithton at a potluck/picnic reception …” with the address.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyl ... story.html


A cosplay themed wedding? :shock: :starz: :wink:


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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Elvis » Fri Sep 20, 2019 5:37 pm

JackRiddler wrote: Is there a way to send my money straight to the Pentagon, please?


:rofl:

Yes and no...?

B-149711 August 20, 1963
[...]
1. Which Departments, agencies and bureaus of the Federal Government now have authority to receive and use donations of funds, property, or personal services?
[...]

DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE

The Department of Defense is authorized to accept donations of various kinds for many purposes. For example, pursuant to 10 U.S.C. 2601, the Secretaries of the Departments of the Army, Navy, and Air Force may accept and expend gifts for schools, hospitals, or similar institutions under their jurisdiction. Gifts accepted under this authority are to be deposited in departmental general gift funds established in the Treasury.

Department of the Army

Kermit Roosevelt Fund - Trustees of the Kermit Roosevelt Fund are authorized to accept funds tendered to foster a better understanding with the military forces of the United Kingdom. No gift entailing expenditures not to be met from such gift or the income therefrom may be accepted without the consent of the Congress (5 U.S.C. 224-228).

Corps of Engineers (Civil Functions) - For flood control projects constructed by the Corps of Engineers (Civil Functions), local interests may be required to contribute project lands, easements, and rights of way (33 U.S.C. 701c).


Department of the Navy - The Secretary of the Navy may accept gifts for the Naval Academy Museum (10 U.S.C. 6973, 6974). He may also accept gifts to provide recreation, amusement, and contentment for member of the naval service; the fund "Ship's Stores Profits, Navy" is to be credited with such gifts (10 U.S.C. 7220). The Secretary is also authorized to accept and care for silver, colors, books, and other articles of equipment or furniture given to vessels of the Navy (10 U.S.C. 7221).

https://www.gao.gov/products/403961#mt=e-report


Can I donate funds or items directly to the Department of Defense to help support troops and their families?

No. However, by visiting Community Resources you can find a representative sample of organizations by category based on the type of support they provide for members of our Armed Forces and their families. You may wish to contact one of these organizations to offer assistance.

https://dod.defense.gov/Resources/Commu ... rces/FAQs/
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby 82_28 » Sat Sep 21, 2019 8:08 pm

Sad, but why do that?

American drowns after proposing to his girlfriend underwater in Tanzania

A Louisiana man has drowned after proposing to his girlfriend underwater while the couple was vacationing in Tanzania.
Steven Weber and Kenesha Antoine were staying in Pemba Island, CNN affiliate WBRZ reports, in a wooden cabin with a bedroom submerged beneath the ocean surface off the east coast of Africa.

Weber proposed on Thursday by swimming underwater and holding a handwritten note against the bedroom windows, according to a video Antoine posted Friday on Facebook, before presenting a ring.
The note, which Weber had placed inside a transparent plastic bag, read, "I can't hold my breath long enough to tell you everything I love about you. BUT...Everything I love about you I love more EVERY DAY!

"Will you please be my WIFE," the note continued. "Marry me???"
But Weber failed to return to the surface, Antoine said in a subsequent Facebook post. "You never emerged from those depths, so you never got to hear my answer, 'Yes! Yes! A million times, yes, I will marry you!!' " she wrote.

"We never got to embrace and celebrate the beginning of the rest of our lives together, as the best day of our lives turned into the worst, in the cruelest twist of fate imaginable," Antoine continued.
"I will try to take solace in the fact that we enjoyed the most amazing bucket list experiences these past few days, and that we both were so happy and absolutely giddy with excitement in our final moments together."
CNN has reached out to Antoine for comment.
The Manta Resort, where the couple was staying, issued a statement on Saturday confirming the death.
"Our sincerest condolences, thoughts and prayers are with his girlfriend, families and friends impacted by this tragic accident," said Matthew Saus, the resort's CEO.
Local authorities were investigating, he added.

The State Department confirmed that a US tourist had died in Tanzania but gave no further details.
"We offer our sincerest condolences to the family on their loss. We stand ready to provide all appropriate consular assistance," the State Department said.


https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/21/africa/t ... index.html
There is no me. There is no you. There is all. There is no you. There is no me. And that is all. A profound acceptance of an enormous pageantry. A haunting certainty that the unifying principle of this universe is love. -- Propagandhi
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Mon Sep 30, 2019 10:19 am

Forever 21 fashion chain files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
https://abc7news.com/business/forever-2 ... y/5577681/
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Sat Oct 05, 2019 4:21 pm

High school teacher tells class a Confederate flag means "you intend to marry your sister"
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-confed ... 019-10-05/
Mazars and Deutsche Bank could have ended this nightmare before it started.
They could still get him out of office.
But instead, they want mass death.
Don’t forget that.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby stillrobertpaulsen » Wed Oct 16, 2019 4:15 pm

Pompeo: Trump 'makes decisions and then absorbs data and facts'

By Devan Cole, CNN

Updated 2:42 PM ET, Wed October 16, 2019

Washington (CNN)Secretary of State Mike Pompeo on Wednesday deflected when asked whether there was a broader strategy behind President Donald Trump's actions in the ongoing conflict in Syria, saying Trump "makes decisions and then absorbs data and facts."
"Is there any reason to believe that there's a strategy beyond what we see here in terms of hitting back at Turkey?" Fox Business host Maria Bartiromo asked Pompeo, saying later: "Is there any reason to believe the President would ... leave these couple thousand troops on the ground (in Syria)?"
"My experience with the President is that he makes decisions and then absorbs data and facts, evaluates situations, if we need to adjust our policy to achieve our goals," Pompeo replied.


This entire administration should come from The Onion.
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