Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Tue Aug 07, 2018 2:41 pm

Man who jumped out of freezer and died was cold-case suspect
https://apnews.com/fa960e0cd0e643fc8276 ... SocialFlow
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby elfismiles » Tue Aug 07, 2018 2:51 pm

seemslikeadream » 07 Aug 2018 18:41 wrote:
Man who jumped out of freezer and died was cold-case suspect
https://apnews.com/fa960e0cd0e643fc8276 ... SocialFlow



:lol2: :rofl: :lol: :rofl:
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby stickdog99 » Wed Aug 08, 2018 1:05 pm

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/worl ... 81686.html

More than 4 in 10 Republicans want to give Donald Trump the power to shut down the media according to a new poll – believing the president’s statement that journalists are "enemies of the people".

A new Ipsos poll has found that nearly half (48 per cent) of self-identified Republicans agree "the news media is the enemy of the American people". Meanwhile, some believe Mr Trump should be allowed to take action against certain publications, with 43 per cent of Republicans saying "the president should have the authority to close news outlets engaged in bad behaviour".
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby dada » Wed Aug 08, 2018 1:53 pm

Funny, I was literally just looking at the local paper, and said "the newspapers aren't on the people's side."

Assuming the best intentions, I think that in the effort to be fair, balanced and truthy, they end up not being fair, balanced or truthful at all. But I dont assume the best intentions when it comes to something like a newspaper. I assume it's a business, with all that entails.

Hitting the newspapers while they're as weak as they are might kill them all. I can picture lots of little startup ventures, a rising tide of Indy papers, zines and whatnot. Might not be so bad.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:25 am

Should the U.S. Air Force Bomb Forest Fires?
https://www.popularmechanics.com/milita ... cialflowTW
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:29 pm

dada » Wed Aug 08, 2018 12:53 pm wrote:I can picture lots of little startup ventures, a rising tide of Indy papers, zines and whatnot. Might not be so bad.


I can picture it too, but more likely we're both stuck in the 1980s-1990s in our thinking.

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby dada » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:59 pm

It was only a suggestion, Jack. jeez.

What's stuck in the 1980s-90s mean, anyway. We're thinking like.. what?

And so what, I should stick up for the papers because Donald don't like 'em? They're absolute, total garbage to me. I'm gonna lose the sunday crossword. Big fucking deal, I'll cope.

edited to add: I'd say the news takes up about two percent of my time, maybe up to five percent on a particularly bad day. So I'm not consuming enough to get sick if my supply suddenly got cut off.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby JackRiddler » Sat Aug 11, 2018 8:20 am

.

What I meant is that I would welcome seeing your vision come true! (Repeat several times). Really, I didn't mean that we are stuck in some past era irretrievably and you are an almost old fart and I am an older one. ;-)

There was a lot of what you envision between the 60s and 90s, as we know. Zines, alt-papers, one-place or one-person xerox and collage media with impact and reach, in effect if not in numbers. Graffiti and wall art, posters, all this a big part of it too. Very bookshop based. Where did most of those go? Some survives. The forms had a final flourishing in the first 10-15 years of Internet, among other things via thousands of boards like this one. I just don't expect it to go the same way again because of changed circumstances in the media technology and political and general culture. Social media and smart phones and the way these have changed distribution as well as discussions, and have also affected - changed - people, these being only the most obvious factors. Classic examples of the medium is the message, and of course that means it is also the recipient. That doesn't mean it would be unwelcome, on the contrary, or that it is impossible, or that there is no other positive, human-being-empowering path yet to come. It's the latter we might have to figure out.

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby dada » Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:33 am

You kidding? I'm the oldest fart here. Older than your great-grandfathers great-grandfather, fella.

I see what you're saying, though. The changes in the playing field, the 'mediums,' mean the old models won't work. But it's the principles that matter in what I'm saying, not the models.

Because I just don't think any new model will work either. No models, that's soon to be basic survival strategy. Sink or swim time for the mutant evolving from the wreckage of homo sap's world. That pathless path is fast becoming the only option.

Principles, not models. Based at the bookshop in the mind. "one-place or one-person media with impact and reach, in effect if not in numbers." This is what I'm talking about.
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Mon Aug 13, 2018 6:52 pm

A Box Fell From the Sky. It Had a Note About Trump. The Police Were Not Amused.

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A white box that landed in a solar panel field in New Jersey had a handwritten note attached. It said the device was not a bomb and wished President Trump a “great round of golf.”CreditNBC 4 New York

By Julia Jacobs

Aug. 10, 2018

When a white package fell from the sky and landed in central New Jersey this week, the people who found it were alarmed not only by the device’s strange hissing sound — but also by the handwritten note that referred to President Trump, the authorities said.

On Tuesday morning, the Styrofoam-wrapped package attached to a red parachute floated down from the atmosphere. It dropped onto a solar panel field in South Brunswick, N.J., about 25 miles south from where Mr. Trump was staying in Bedminster. People who work nearby called the authorities, and police officers, firefighters and a bomb squad responded to investigate the potential threat, according to a news release from the South Brunswick Police Department.

The note, which appeared to have been written in black marker, said, “NASA Atmospheric Research Instrument NOT A BOMB!”

It went on: “If this lands near the President, we at NASA wish him a great round of golf.”

The all-caps assurance that the package was not, in fact, a bomb did little to quell the anxieties of those who discovered it.

But on Thursday, the Police Department assured the public that no one had been put in danger by this “suspicious” package. The box was merely an ozone monitoring device released into the air by NASA.

The note that sparked the chaos was written by an undergraduate intern employed by NASA, said Katherine Brown, a NASA spokeswoman. She said that the added text about President Trump was a “misguided attempt to be lighthearted,” and that the student was removed from the project. “We are taking steps to standardize the labeling on these scientific instruments.”

The device was one of six released on Sunday from the New Brunswick area, the news release said. It was part of the Long Island Sound Tropospheric Ozone Study, which analyzes air pollution in the New York City region. The study involves a few dozen organizations, including NASA, the federal Environmental Protection Agency and New York State’s Department of Environmental Conservation.

Considering the device’s appearance, it is not surprising that people thought it could be a bomb, said Paul Miller, deputy director of Northeast States for Coordinated Air Use Management, a nonprofit behind the study.

The gadget, which he said was about six square inches, typically contains wires and makes beeping noises. The reported hissing was likely the sound of a pump sucking in air through a sensor to measure air pollution, Mr. Miller said.

The attached note did not help ease the tension. “Putting a note on it saying it’s not a bomb makes it seem like it is a bomb,” he said.

The Police Department said that there were no charges related to the incident, and that extra precautions were taken because Mr. Trump was staying in the area.

Secret Service agents interviewed NASA employees that day and quickly confirmed there was no threat, said Patrick Lynch, a NASA spokesman.

Ms. Brown said that the ozone monitoring device was launched from a site owned by Rutgers University, but that the institution was not involved in the project.

These types of instruments sometimes float back down to dry land, Ms. Brown said, which is why researchers append notes describing the device’s purpose. However, the devices typically fall into the Atlantic Ocean after they have done their duty, Mr. Miller said.

Scientists who depend on such devices hope the unexpected burst of publicity will not hinder their research. This study — which combines state, federal and academic resources — focuses on tracking air pollution that is carried by a sea breeze from New York City to areas of Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts.

“We’re hoping this little glitch won’t throw a wrench in it,” Mr. Miller said. “We don’t want the big picture to get lost.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/10/us/nasa-package-donald-trump-new-jersey.html
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby stickdog99 » Tue Aug 14, 2018 6:19 am

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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Pele'sDaughter » Wed Aug 15, 2018 3:27 pm

https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=8105

Brown University's student body president will be hand-delivering menstrual products to all nonresidential bathrooms on campus, including men’s rooms, with the help of 20 other students.

Viet Nguyen, President of the Undergraduate Council of Students, announced the initiative in a campus-wide email Tuesday, saying he wants to communicate the message that not all people who menstruate are women, according to Newsweek.

“There’s been a lot of conversation about why pads and tampons are a necessity, not a luxury, but not a lot of action. We wanted to take it into our own hands,” Nguyen explains in the email, observing that “low-income students struggle with having the necessary funding for food, let alone tampons.”

By putting menstrual products in women’s, men’s, and gender-inclusive bathrooms, Nguyen aims to “set a tone of trans-inclusivity, and not forget that they’re an important part of the population,” but is under no illusions that the effort will be universally popular.

“I’d be naïve to say there won’t be push back,” he preemptively concedes. “I’ve had questions about why we’re implementing this in male bathrooms as well. It’s an initial confusion, but people generally understand when we explain it.”

Nguyen told Newsweek that menstrual products will be available in approximately 30 to 40 bathrooms across campus for the 2016–2017 school year, financed exclusively by the undergraduate finance board, rather than general university funds.

“Why aren’t these products treated the same way as other products we hand out, like toilet paper?” he pondered in an interview with The Guardian. “It’s a necessity, rather than a luxury, so Brown and other universities should treat them as such.”

“Feminine hygiene products are not a luxury. They’re as essential as toilet paper; just ask anyone who has ever struggled to obtain or afford them,” agreed Terry O’Neill, president of the National Organization for Women. “Students’ participation in school should not be hindered by insufficient access to this basic necessity. Universities around the country should follow suit.”

Yuzuka Alaska, a junior at Brown, opined that menstruation is currently a “taboo,” but speculated that “if we can implement this project, that will add to this conversation and make it more of an accessible topic.”

UPDATE: Brian Clark, Brown's Director of News and Editorial Development, praised the students for their "tremendous initiative" in a statement to Campus Reform, saying the school will look forward to observing the results.

"In efforts to work with and support their peers, leaders from the Undergraduate Council of Students take on a number of student-focused efforts each year," he said, clarifying that "these are student-led and independent of the university administration, although we recognize that many important resources on campus today were first idenitified and advocated for by students themselves.

"We expect that UCS will continue to solicit feedback on this new initiative and collect data on the use of these products," he concluded, saying the administration "will be interested to learn what they find as they assess the effectiveness of the program moving forward."
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:28 pm

$100,000 worth of Ramen Noodles stolen in Georgia
https://www.news4jax.com/news/weird-new ... police-say



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Russian/Siberian Agent school girl Maria (NRA) Butina pleads guilty to CONSPIRACY against the U.S. and is cooperating with prosecutors
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby Iamwhomiam » Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:50 pm

stickdog99 » Tue Aug 14, 2018 6:19 am wrote:"The Lone Gunman Who Fell to Earth"


:lol:
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Re: Stories that should come from The Onion but don't

Postby seemslikeadream » Sun Aug 19, 2018 11:11 am

White Doctor Arrested at Orlando Airport Complains of Being Treated Like a ‘Black Person’
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/18/us/d ... erson.html



Woman who survived bear attack has no hard feelings
https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/wom ... s-57259210
The only card he has left to play is his resignation
— Neal Katyal

Is minic a bhris béal duine a shrón

Russian/Siberian Agent school girl Maria (NRA) Butina pleads guilty to CONSPIRACY against the U.S. and is cooperating with prosecutors
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