by NeonLX » Thu May 29, 2014 8:29 am
...or at least no longer believing in the "benevolent God" bullshit.
This really isn't about religion so much, but it kinda is.
If "god" exists, then he's a cruel rat bastard. Long story short: I tried to commit suicide about a year ago. It obviously didn't work (too drunk at the time to pull it off). After that, I was diagnosed with severe depression and got put on meds and therapy. I joined a depression support group where I met a woman who became very dear to me. She had tried to commit suicide as well, many times. Her mom had prostituted her when she was a kid. She was repeatedly subjected to violent rapes with her mom watching. She got pregnant at the age of 10. TEN. As you'd expect, she had complications from the birth and her uterus was removed. She went nuts and was institutionalized for awhile--big shock--but eventually she wound up in foster homes. After a time, she was able to function pretty well, considering.
She's smart and funny. But very scarred.
We got to be friends and supported each other through a lot of tough shit. It was my friendship with her that led to my impending divorce. I'm moving out of the house tomorrow, after 32 years of marriage.
Last weekend, my daughter helped my soon-to-be-ex hack into my email. Once she got in, she then sent a nasty message to this friend, telling her what a whore she is and also wishing that she would catch a deadly disease and die a miserable death (hang onto that thought for a second).
Backing up two weeks, my friend came down with particularly nasty pneumonia. Coughing up blood and all that. She couldn't shake it so late last week, they did some blood tests. Guess what? She's HIV positive. As a result of the rapes she endured when she was younger. And after all she has been through already.
So my estranged wife's nasty email message gets delivered to my friend shortly before the blood test results came in. And then...
At this point, I'm not sure I want to exist in this universe anymore. It's too fucked up.
If there is a god, he's one sadistic mother fucker. Just ask the millions of people who are starving to death right now, as they helplessly watch their loved ones die.
On edit: I couldn't have made this story up from my lackluster imagination. No, I had to experience it in real time, and in living color, for me to believe it. I wish like hell I had dreamt it.
America is a fucked society because there is no room for essential human dignity. Its all about what you have, not who you are.--Joe Hillshoist