On Becoming Human

[NeonLX]

Now that I've been kicked out of my house of 26 years and live on my own, I've been interacting a lot more with people. I live in an area where there are complexes of inexpensive apartments, many of them subsidized, and I'm riding bus routes that don't cater to suburban commuters. Instead, these routes haul a lot of folks who can't afford a car, or are physically/mentally unable to drive. There's also a group of homeless people I see almost daily...they produce a newspaper that they sell on street corners for $1 per issue. The money goes towards food, medical expenses, shelter, or...? Whenever I see one of these guys or gals standing and holding a paper, I stuff a few bills into the collection can, regardless if I'm buying a paper or not. I've made friends with many of them, including a guy who is a big fan of Oldsmobile cars. He and I have talked hours about the glory days of 442s, Ninety-Eights, Toronados, etc.

I will admit that I was a little nervous about interacting with folks like this when I first dropped out of suburban "life". Now, I fully enjoy making acquaintances with people I would have probably tried to ignore before.

As I was walking to work this morning, a guy came running out of an apartment building, calling at me..."hey, brother...peace and love...happy holidays...hey, brother..." At first, I thought he might be peddling religion. He was also rather ominous looking to a white boy like me. He was dark-skinned, had deep set dark eyes, a hawk-beak nose, and a shaved head, except for the top knot he wore. He came right up to me and hugged me, while saying, "I love you, brother...and I'm really sorry to bother you..."

Turns out he's in town visiting his daughter, who apparently lives in the building next to mine. He's 100% Native American. He was trying to figure out how to get to a grocery store that accepts SNAP food benefits. The only one I could think of was several miles away so I told him about it. He asked how long of a walk it is. I told him it would be over an hour. I asked if he could ride the city bus. He didn't know about it, so I described how to get to the store on the bus (a "one seat ride" from our area). Once I explained it to him, there was an awkward silence. Then I asked him if he had any money to ride the bus. He looked down at his feet and answered that he didn't. I gave him some dough so he could ride the bus, and told him to get a transfer which is good for two hours and a return trip.

He blessed me, hugged me, and ran back into the apartment. It was cold out and he was only wearing pajama bottoms and a T-shirt.

While this was going on, I noticed a well-dressed woman walking her two foo-foo dogs coming at us. She suddenly froze when she saw us (I'm shaggy-looking, with a big beard) and then she hurriedly crossed the street to get around us. Even though I live in a decidedly low income area, there is a nice, gentrified neighborhood with grand old houses just down the street, populated by a lot of what I call "NPR Liberals"; Obama stickers on the back of new Priuses or Subaru Outbacks parked in each driveway... anyhoo, I found myself thinking that I'd far rather hang out with this guy than the well heeled woman with her yappy little dogs.

As I walked to work, I thought about how much richer and fuller my life is now, even though I am of limited means myself because of the divorce. Meeting people that I never would have encountered in my suburban routine is completely soul-satisfying. It's almost as if I wasn't fully human when I was living my insulated existence out in the 'burbs.

I really am blessed.

[Sounder]

Excellent story NeonLX, keep it up, you may even get your health back.

[slimmouse]

Awesome stuff Neon. This forum oozes talent.

If you can ever find the time, you should write more about your life

Ever wrote a book ?

They say we all have one in us.

[DrEvil]

Great stuff Neon. I've always found it more rewarding to talk to the outliers of society. A lot of them are in a place where things like keeping up appearances and conformity are pointless ideas. They don't care, and as a result they tend to be way more honest about things.
I'd rather talk to a junkie than some dressed up yuppie.

[NeonLX]

The question to me is, what are we here for, if not to care for each other?

This "western" society that we are forced to contend with SUCKS. It is based on greed, arrogance, destruction, and is so very obviously negative.

Fuck that shit.

[Elvis]

Athenian: "So, Diogenes, the people of Sinope condemned you to exile!"

Diogenes: "And I have condemned them to stay where they are!"

[minime]

so very obviously negative.

Fuck that shit.

[82_28]

Good luck with EVERYTHING, Neon! I happen to talk to everyone too. I took a train and then long bus trip last week to go visit my mom in central Oregon with my dad. It certainly helps to smoke! My dad was "amazed" how easily I spoke with everyone. Just shooting the shit and making temporary friends. Like you, Neon, I don't know how I do it. I just do it. I can't even begin to tell you how many people I had conversations with along the way. The world is filled to the brim with good people. I've never met an enemy in my 40 years that I couldn't defuse.

My neighbor now is like the "foo foo dog" lady and refuses to talk to me for some reason when all I say is hi. I think it's because people are so conditioned to distrust people who freely offer a "hello". I think you wrote about that a few months ago, in fact, Neon -- nodding to people on the street and whatnot. Just the other night at the grocery store (who I have gained the trust of everyone that works there and wind up spending about an hour talking to everyone), one friendly dude had his back to me as I walked in and I said "what's up you fucking asshole?" He turned around and just laughed. You sound like a person with a sense of humor and an even stronger sense of compassion which you wear on your sleeve. It shows. You judge not, only observe those who are judging you and wonder to yourself, "why"?

[coffin_dodger]

Sounds like the event horizon is opening up for you, Neon. Heartwarming stuff. Thanks!

[8bitagent]

As someone who has been poor most their life, never had a car and relying on public transit every day...I can say even with all I know I feel more blessed and luck to have lived this way than spoiled and entitled.
Then again I also realize my version of poor is rich compared to many countries.

But yeah, I see soooooooo much gridlock, so many cars. Everyone's in their damn cars and the ONLY interaction people have outside of friends/family is either exchanged pleasantries at stores or co-workers.

[BrandonD]

The question to me is, what are we here for, if not to care for each other?

This "western" society that we are forced to contend with SUCKS. It is based on greed, arrogance, destruction, and is so very obviously negative.

It is remarkable how few people recognize this. Most people think the problem can be narrowed down to a particular political party or race or religion - we can put those "bad guys" away and then we get to keep everything else essentially the same. It is inconceivable that the sickness is actually inherent within the entire mentality of western society.

We would rather derail the train than step off the tracks.

[worldsastage]

I hear you, man.
Grew up in "da hood."
Yes, horrible things can happen there because horrible things happen when people lead lives of desperation on the margins of society. I have also seen the beauty of humanity in the hood and worse places, like where bombs fall and food is scarce. People with so little so give so much.....even if it is just themselves.
Taking care of each other indeed is what we should be doing.
Life in the US confuses me because so many people claim to be spiritual and want to help. Some of those spiritual people are just authoritarians looking to tell people what to do, and it is easy to find lackeys when the authoritarian is the difference between a meal and starvation.

There really is an abundance of resources here but only few can access it. It's a place of extremes and fuck you if you don't look right, smell right, talk right etc., etc. Help is given only to the right kind of people or entity, and too often those who really don't need it, like corporations
I don't get how a people can go as far as to claim some special creation for humanity, yet treat each other worse than any beast of hell I can imagine would treat its enemy. The higher one goes on the social ladder the worse it seems to me. Maybe I'm biased.
I can afford to live in the sort of suburbs now, just hardly, but I am privileged compared to most of the world. My neighborhood is just inside a sort of border zone with folks like you describe, Neon. The house next to me cost a half a mil and the utility apartment complexes are two blocks away where poorer students who life off campus-----too far off campu------ or campus staff live. Personally, I am probably a check away from homelessness, but I am better off than many and I do have some options.

My work also exposes me to extremes. My paying work is at an institution where there are lots of entitled shits who freak out if they are asked to do something that they can't spend their way out of. Let's call them group A. The campus is surrounded by estates. Public transportation...nope. Little shits can't be exposed to such things. What group A, whose family owns some of those estates, calls having the fun and making the mistakes they are entitled to make as young adults, my other group of students have been incarcerated for as juveniles.

Not all members of group A are little shits, but enough to make it the dominant pattern. These are the kinds of kids that say stuff like, "if he wasn't breaking the law he would be alive" or "why bring up race" in reference to Garner and Brown. In the same breath, I kid you not, in the same breath these kids make plans for their drug binges. The authoritarian hell hole that is life in the US for too many, is also a fucking playground for group A members.
In my other life I ride with human beings part of the way on public transport to go work with a different group of students, let's call them group B. Group B consists of students society has mostly given up on....the incarcerated, the students that are not entitled to have fun and make mistakes, if they do make a mistake the penalty is harsh, very harsh indeed cause it gets worse when they get out. One of my students is also a corrections officer. More on that later…

Despite the scary prison stories, I can see the more humanity at the non-paying job. Nasty stuff do go down in prisons as can be expected when people are in desperate situations.... still, these students with limited means look out for each other, and are really creative with what they come up with to make life a little better for themselves and their fellow prison mates. They also work their asses off. Funny story: as I mentioned, one of the students is actually not a prisoner but a corrections officer at the facility. COs are often also from the margins of society but compared to the prisoners they are center, and behind the prison walls they are the authority. COs and other staff are entitled to enroll in the college courses at that facility. The politics of that is another story, but most COs have avoided the classes and make life hell for the prisoner-students who do enroll in classes. They probably treat their interested coworkers like crap for even thinking of taking classes too. Anyway, this year one CO was brave and decided to take a couple of courses. A month in, the CO was about to quit because it was "too hard" and "had too much work to keep up." I get that a lot of things do require work and school work on top of a full time high demand job is hard. Prisoners work too, BTW. Their labor involves producing things for the state or for big corps for minimal, if any pay. The prison system is truly modern slavery.
Anyhoo, guess who has been encouraging and helping, even tutoring the CO? The same people this CO previously considered scum of the earth. This CO can go home and have internet access and look shit up that is difficult to understand. The other students cannot. There is no internet access in this facility for the incarcerated. The CO can buy textbooks, study guides, go to the library or ask people on the outside for help, but it is the inmates that are helping and the CO.

This same CO would lose their job if they brought in a sheet of paper with equations or something for a prisoner. This encapsulates a serious problem in the land of the free. The problem I see repeatedly is our failure to be human because inhuman behavior is rewarded, while treating others, especially those less fortunate than ourselves (regardless of how we define less fortunate) is punished. The refusal to care for who and that which we have been given life to care for is fucking depressing to see sometimes. Maybe that is why I was literally crying so much because I was touched by the protests going on, even if I feel that it was wanted and expected (though genuine) because it distracts from something going on that might have much worse implications for the protesters. sigh


I went way beyond what I planned to say, but I find that the problem of humanity is not the people on the margins. Marginal, folks have no choice but to live the human condition. It is not so easy to get a legal a pill, or a vacation, rape a couple of women and get away with it, or whatever else it is that modern western man uses as a distraction from the pains of life on planet earth. Marginal folks have to just live as best as they are able to live until they die.... people in the center live how they are told to live, and they too die. And the people above it all, controlling this shit.....I don't know what to say except wonder if they are human at all.

It just seems to me that no pill or other distractions needed if we focus on helping each other.
Peace, and hang in there Neon.

[NeonLX]

Damn, worldsastage...that's one helluva post. Seriously. It's amazing...I love this place because I'm able to find like-minded people. That's hard to do out in the real world, which makes me wonder if we are too few and far between. But knowing that there are others...it provides a basis for optimism.

8bit: Cars...man, do they suck. What they do to our landscape, both urban and rural, is awful. Maintaining the infrastructure for them is an enormous drain of resources. Not to mention the horrible effects on the environment from all that asphalt, run-off, oil and antifreeze leaks, etc. I can think of nothing uglier than a parking ramp crapping up a downtown. Very valuable real estate, and there's this monstrosity of a concrete structure so people can park their cars and not have to walk their fat @sses too far to the arts & entertainment district. Disclaimer: I do own an old beater, but I only rarely drive it. I can't afford to fix it right now (leaking water pump), which is a benefit in some ways--I'm even less tempted to drive it. I *can* drive it, but when it's running, antifreeze leaks out. That shit is nasty.

On edit: As a pedestrian & transit rider, I get to see people in action behind the wheel of their metal cocoons. They often become raging savages. BEEEEEEP!!!! Someone budged in front of me!! I'll KILL them! Or at least I'll tailgate the fuck out of them. If people behaved that way when they are walking, there would be constant fist-fights and sucker punches.

[Elvis]

Cars are also NOISY. Right now outside my window, "whishhh, whishhh, whooosh, whishhh" of cars passing, all day long. Since I got a cell phone, the few calls I make outdoors are usually interrupted by some loud truck or motorcycle screaming past. Even though after awhile we tend to screen it out of awareness, the noise takes a toll,

I ride the bus daily (for now; I quit my job!!! and after two more weeks won't be riding every day). The bus to work stops at a drop-in center for homeless folks, and I always love it when that crowd gets aboard. They noisily joke and laugh (a GOOD noise), gently rib one another, share info about resources and just generally really enjoy and appreciate each other.

Contrast with the tech-school students who close themselves off with earbuds and deep focus on their smartphone screens. And yes even the tie & jacket "NPR liberal" actually reading a New Yorker Magazine! I read that on the bus too, hehe, but I keep it down & folded; this guy holds it so everyone can see what he's reading, and he's got this strained facial expression like, "I'm not really supposed to be here..."

Also on the city bus, I met the guy who became the bassist in our band (and a good friend), and a guy who became the ideal tenant for a vacancy in my girlfriend's house. Also, an old man who was a famous "gentleman" bank robber in the 1970s. Today, out of prison, he's writing and selling poetry. He recently dropped by my workplace to 'repay' (I never asked for anything back) the $10 I'd handed him at the bus stop when it was evident he was broke. My first thought was to refuse it, but I could see it was important for him to repay it. He's coming to my house for dinner this month.

[NeonLX]

Y'see, public transit is public. You get to interact with people on it; not bitch at them through the windshield of your status symbol.

So ya, it takes me longer to get places sometimes. But I ENJOY the ride. My blood pressure stays low.

Like you said, Elvis, you can meet all kinds of cool people on public transit. People you would actually want to hang around with, not uptight people with broomsticks up their @sses.

I have far less than I did earlier this year, but I'm far happier.