So the cat and the guinea pigs are taken from the house on March 17, and then found in the house on April 6. A seemingly impossible paradox to some. But this is Rigorous Intuition. We've solved stranger mysteries before. So:
I know what you're thinking. The obvious answer is aliens. But I'm a space alien, and I say we didn't do it. This is why you have me on the team, right? So we can rule that out right off the bat.
Although, maybe it was illegal aliens. Damn Soros. Hang on...
Alright, I left Soros a message. While we wait for him to call back, let's consider some other likely scenarios.
Maybe they escaped from the lab and went home. Cat picked the locks, one guinea pig stands on the others' shoulders to reach the telephone, called a cab. Highly unlikely, but let's not be so hasty to rule anything out.
Some kind of parallel dimension thingy? Localized time loop? CERN rift? How about the Manilow Effect. Hm. This is a tough one.
Here's a far out theory. Bear with me. The British government flat out accuses Russia of the poisoning, then they back off, pretend like it never happened. The animals are reported taken, then the story changes, they pretend it never happened. So this animal story is a dig at the Kremlin. Like "Foolish Russians, you forget how easily manipulated our people are. We can say anything we want and get away with it. haha." Not only that, Cat story rules the news cycle. And you know the Kremlin hates that more than anything.
Actually, now that I say it, that sounds completely ridiculous.
Oop, there's the phone. Maybe that's Soros calling back.
(edits: added the bit about the cat story ruling the news cycle. also changed a "the russians" to a "the kremlin." I thought it flowed better that way)
Last edited by dada
on Sat Apr 07, 2018 12:06 am, edited 2 times in total.
Both his words and manner of speech seemed at first totally unfamiliar to me, and yet somehow they stirred memories - as an actor might be stirred by the forgotten lines of some role he had played far away and long ago.