Please save my marriage

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[Felix]

Caroline Myss. You mean new age self-help guru Myss who is loved by the "alternative" "feminist" community. Her book "Sacred contracts" has been out for years and still sells heavily and then there is "Anatomy of the Spirit:the seven stages of POWER and healing". And here I thought people of her ilk were just lovers of power and money (Myss being one step up from "Dr." Phil McGraw), but I never looked close enough to see the shit for EXACTLY what it was. Another form of indoctrination and helplessness. I'm sorry I can't help you other than to echo what others have. Stay very, very far way from any of these people. You sure have helped me though.<br><br>I've seen over the last ten years or so that "self-help" and "business" books have collapsed into one another. It's all about how YOU can be number one (you really really can if you try really really hard) and then you will be self actualized and make lots and lots of money. It's all such juvenile crap. I was cynical about these self help artists before, but now I'm down right indignant. What cowardly awful people, make my skin crawl.<br> <br>BTW, I think I read somewhere in Ivan Illich's work that the term "self-help" was originally meant to mean masturbation. Sounds about right.<br><br>Here's some quotes about the Myss work.<br><br>"As incongruous as it may seem at first glance to her legions of fans, Myss, a popular intuitive healer and teacher, and the bestselling author of Anatomy of the Spirit, thinks it makes perfect sense to describe her approach to spirituality as that of an archetypal "Saboteur." After all, it takes a thief to catch a thief, she explains in her latest work. In her workshops and readings, she goes "on a search and destroy mission to find my students' spiritual panic.... Deep in the unconscious, our spiritual potential lies in wait for us to release it. Sometimes you will have to blow things out of your own way to get to it." Here, Myss offers her readers a new system for blowing away pedestrian notions of their purpose on the planet. She espouses the ancient notion that our souls enter into a kind of contract before birth that we agree to have various human experiences and even (in Myss's version) to encounter certain people in order to learn lessons. The author includes a technique for arriving at 12 archetypes that rule different areas of our life from career to sex to our highest aspirations. While each of us is controlled in different ways by four "survival" archetypes Child, Victim, Prostitute, Saboteur the other archetypes that flavor our relations to the world are up to us and as richly different as Vampire and Messiah. One value of Myss's ingenious system is that, like the I Ching, it teaches readers to use symbols not as one-dimensional descriptions but as a call to reflection and imagination and a means to see ourselves in a greater light. (Dec.) Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information. <br> <p></p><i></i>

[Dreams End]

Thanks for all the replies. I'm not even considering going to this guy...as difficult (and painful) as it is to have to argue with my wife about it, the one piece of advice I always give is that you have to find a therapist you are comfortable with. It's possible that I was arguing with an alter for part of this time with my wife and that's why it's not really making sense. In fact, earlier in the day, she really seemed to get it as she'd actually spent part of her own therapy time discussing George Bush. By last night she was back to being critical, however, and so I think maybe an alter came out and there were other issues going on.<br><br>But his quotes had alarmed me beyond just discovering that a therapist I was going to go to had political views different from mine. It was because the views seemed to be mixed in as part of therapeutic advice that I was alarmed.<br><br>Avalon, always the optimist, I should explain that this business of "retaliation" as the appropriate way of dealing with 'righteous anger' is not limited to 9/11. As we spoke on the phone, he gave the following example which both illustrates the point and also demonstrates some extremely poor scientific analysis.<br><br>He said that in Israel, after the scud missiles were launched by Iraq and the Israelis were told not to fight back, there was a statistically significant rise in prostate cancer within about 6 months. This, he attributed to the inability to "fight back." Why he assumed this was the cause when it could have been simply the stress of being bombed or (since it's prostate) inability to have sex due to all the fear and chaos or hell, any number of other causes, is quite clear. He had this bizarre theory and looked to support it. Really bad science as there are simply WAY too many variables at work there. But more importantly, it shows that his beliefs about "retaliation" as therapy are not simply a result of 9/11 anger. <br><br>He was angry with me for thinking he would "force" his therapy on me. Would you ask the political views of a surgeon before getting an appendectomy, he asked. Yes, I said, if he was going to ask me to hold those same views as part of the medical procedure. <br><br>The guy is licensed and is actually well respected around here. I think the problem here is that there is this conjunction between these honest, New Age, alternative medicine types (and I think there's merit in alternative medicine and anytime I avoid buying a drug from big pharma I'm happy) and this New Age mindfuck that is demonstrated by the SOTWF. In fact, the Forum is fascinating because it has so many heavy hitters and then someone like Myss on the board who spends time working on channeled documents from George Washington that demonstrate that America is, indeed, the promised land...all to support a warmer and fuzzier empire (and despite Washington's warning of avoiding foreign entanglements we Americans always read about in our history classes.)<br><br>And thanks for relinking me up there, Qutb. It's interesting that about a month after reading that post of Sarfatti's that I run into someone in that circle. Still not quite sure what these guys are up to, but as I look at the Forum's website, I see that they have made significant inroads. The fact that they are dissing Bush right on their "about us" page, despite the oil company sponsors, suggests they are pushing for a changing of the guard. And, given the state of "opposition" in this country, I'm afraid everyone will then move forward, relieved that our great crisis is over. Why they chose to go through new age thought as part of their approach is still unclear to me. Would have been so much easier to stick with corrupting and coopting Christianity, but I guess with a worldwide agenda that wouldn't work.<br><br>Meanwhile, I called up an old friend and got a recommendation for another therapist who is kind but will push if needed, which sounds perfect for me. Oh yeah, and she's against the war.<br><br>Thanks again for all your feedback. I was partly just venting, but also partly very curious about what this guy was about. <br><br><br><br> <p></p><i></i>

[Dreams End]

My guy, Martinez, also does workshops on how to attract affluence and money into your life and how the failure to have these in your life is a result of your own spiritual inadequacy or something like that. Interestingly, Barbara Eirenreich (sp?) just released a book where she went out and got various corporate type jobs...or tried to. She mentions a workshop she attended where just this philosophy was preached. The idea is that if you are poor, it's your own fault. You simply don't have a mindset of "abundance." <br><br>As a side side note, I had a friend who used to explain the Christian "loaves and fishes" story this way. It was not a matter of fish and loaves miraculously appearing in the baskets out of nothing, but of those who had a bit to share adding it to the pot. So it's a story of "abundance" as well, but abundance as a result of collective effort and selflessness. I've always liked that version and I think the whole "profit through enlightenment" philosophy...well I always thought it perverted spirituality, but now I see that's it's a dangerous soporific and probably intentionally so. <p></p><i></i>

[RollickHooper]

You have my sympathy, Sir--you should not hesitate to seek at least as much support for yourself as for your spouse, because living with DID is its own special kind of hell.<br>I have never encountered a more supportive and less judgmental community, anywhere, than the one here at Rigorous Intuition. Please keep us posted. <p></p><i></i>

[marykmusic]

I am a channeller, healer, and all-around helpful person.<br><br>However, in my studies I have come to realize that the basic New Age paradigm, and nearly all of those who are popular self-help/New Age authors, are supported by The Powers That Be (Rockefeller, Rothschild, et al.) And I don't expect to get published at all by those people...<br><br>I have to go along with my brother Don (healing link here: <!--EZCODE LINK START--><a href="http://www.worldwithoutparasites.com" target="top">zappers</a><!--EZCODE LINK END-->) who calls it "Newage-rhymes-with-sewage." --MaryK <p></p><i></i>

[hanshan]

<br><br>Dreams End - Some astoundingly good advice<br>from everyone here. ( Somehow it escape my notice <br>that your partner was DID.)<br>There are a number of conflated issues.<br>However, in seeking your own counsel, have always <br>found the Jungians to be enormously helpful.<br>Check your phone book for organizations in your area. You can call & get a listing of area practioners. think they also have a national number ( not sure).They <br>would also be sympathetic to DID issues.<br>However, finding someone w/ that specific experience &/or specialty would be a godsend.<br><br>Politics is irrelevent to therapy & to hear of an individual<br>who is actively espousing both as therapy ( & who is licensed) sends shivers down my back. Shades of FMS.org.<br>Why this person is still licensed is beyond me. <br><br>Finding a good therapist is something of crap shoot.<br>Shop around.<br>You'll know, instinctively, when you've found the right<br>match.<br><br>good luck<br><br><br> <p></p><i></i>

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[mother]

For what it's worth, our lives were made a living hell by licensed, well-respected therapists. I started by being gung-ho for therapy, and while I am certain that there are many excellant ones, there are many horrible ones with a lot of power in the court system. Never forget the recent mental health legislations, and the extra power given to a lot of these "professionals". ( I am sorry that I do not have the time to reference the mental health initiatives) My heart goes out for you and your wife, Dreams End. We know well the agonies of coping with D.I.D. and the wierd agendas of therapists. I promise my prayers for your family. Your wife is so fortunate to have you, the real soul part of her knows this and fears it, for good reasons not about you. That guy sounds like a fuckin psycho himself- plenty of people with serious issues gravitate toward psychology where they can have the power over people's intimate lives which they crave. Obviously I have bias in this , but common sense will sort of show that if life gets worse around "therapy" the therapy is no good. I think it takes a huge amount of courage, Dreams, to ask for emotional support. Know that you have it, 100% from my heart for you and your beautiful wife. <p></p><i></i>

[GDN01]

DE - as someone who offers counseling, as well as someone who has received it, there is another reason to say this is not a good choice for your therapist. He has a relationship with your wife that could impede the therapeutic process. You know he knows your wife through her workplace. You are seeking a therapist to assist with your relationship with your wife - you will need to discuss her DID. You may not feel free to do so with someone who frequents her place of employment. You need to find a therapist that has no connection to you and your wife in social, work settings. <br><br>This may be a reason that makes sense to the alters that need protection. <br><br>I hope this helps! <p></p><i></i>

[RollickHooper]

Therapy in a capitalistic culture.<br>You hear stories about firefighters who are also arsonists.<br>Does it ever enter a policeman's mind that, if there were no crime, he'd be out of a job?<br>I've heard the charge leveled at doctors, that treatment often seems aimed at keeping the patient dependent on Medicine, rather than teaching people to be disease-free and healthy.<br>Allegations of food additives that increase your appetite.<br>Planned Obsolescence in the auto industry.<br>So many examples of what's wrong with capitalism and yet it's the only game in town. <p></p><i></i>

[Dreams End]

More good replies. I am not seeking to make this into a "therapy" forum but I might ask one more bit of advice from those with DID or who have supported people with DID. For a few days last week, it looked as if I might move out...at least for a bit. ALL OF A SUDDEN, my wife was able to cope with all the various household chores she found too difficult before. (I've handled most cooking, cleaning, parenting, etc and she has mainly napped during her time off, not able to so much as water her plants.) <br><br>It occurs to me that, though I know she was truly incapacitated before, that now I'm somehow enabling her to simply sleep and avoid life.<br><br>Part of my own therapy is to transition back to an identity that is not primarily "caregiver"...and this is especially important in that it seems my "caregiving" these days is maybe part of the problem. <br><br>There's a lot more to the story, of course, and I'm not going to put all that here, but that's one part others may have experience with.<br><br>Oh, and this questionable therapist...he already knows she's DID but I guarantee there's other stuff that would come up she wouldn't want him to know about and I don't think she's thought of that yet. <br><br>Hopefully, this woman recommended to me will be good. Haven't spoken to her in person yet. <br><br>Thanks for the support. <p></p><i></i>

[RollickHooper]

I read the Grant Cameron book sw mentioned above, and the one thing I brought away from that book was, You're either in or you're out; don't sit on the fence, you have to decide whether you're strong enough to stay with your partner through thick and thin, or not. It cannot be good for her if she doesn't know if you're going to be there for her or not, at any given time.<br>Cameron had the inestimable advantage of seeing real progress on the part of his partner, when he wrote his book, and the tone of the book is positive. But as to the brass tacks of, for example, your question about "enabling," he offers very little information. I give it a thumbs-down. <p></p><i></i>

[Dreams End]

When I almost left...it would have been at her request. Resolved for now. I've never held up the possibility of leaving before...my only question now is, is my presence becoming more hindrance than help? <p></p><i></i>