Everyday Sexism

[Project Willow]

Femme de La Rue
A documentary about street harassment.

Better trailer here:
http://www.mrctv.org/videos/trailer-documentary-sexual-harassment-belgium



via Stop Street Harassment http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/

[Simulist]

If I were a parent, especially of a girl, I'd be a nervous wreck.

And in the unlikely event that I ever do become a parent of a little girl, I'm going to enroll her in an ongoing course of self-defense training concurrent with her nursery rhymes...

Sitting in a bar having a drink (I only drank one drink, and the fact that I feel I have to mention that is also a problem) when the man at the next table dove under mine and bit my thigh so hard I had teeth marks in it for two weeks.

... so that she's protected as she grows up, and so that guys like this wouldn't have any teeth left when she's finished with them.

[Joe Hillshoist]

If I were a parent, especially of a girl, I'd be a nervous wreck.

And in the unlikely event that I ever do become a parent of a little girl, I'm going to enroll her in an ongoing course of self-defense training concurrent with her nursery rhymes...

Sitting in a bar having a drink (I only drank one drink, and the fact that I feel I have to mention that is also a problem) when the man at the next table dove under mine and bit my thigh so hard I had teeth marks in it for two weeks.

... so that she's protected as she grows up, and so that guys like this wouldn't have any teeth left when she's finished with them.

I've already started.

[crikkett]

My dad taught me to box.

[LilyPatToo]

When I was a little kid, my Dad taught me that the weakest bone is the little finger and, if I was ever attacked, I should grasp that finger and bend it backwards as hard as I could. Many years later, while shopping in a deserted pet care section of a department store, I was grabbed from behind by a tall, strong man. He easily lifted me off my feet, pinned my arms to my body and covered my mouth and nose with his hand.

But one of my arms had flown up in surprise when he grabbed me and was pinned very close to that hand over my mouth. I'm dissociative and had an alter switch that seemed to clear my mind and slow time and I felt as though I was watching from a distance as my hand closed around his little finger and--with glee--wrenched it backward. I heard the bone snap and he screamed and threw me an incredible distance. He'd been moving toward an employees-only door and he ran through it, escaped and never was caught.

Please, people--tell your mothers/daughters/sisters about that little trick. I've spent a lifetime being targeted for suggestive comments on the street (and, incredibly, it's still happening even now that I'm in my mid-60's), but there are more overtly abusive, predatory men out there too. Another tactic to use on larger attackers if you're pinned front-to-front by one is to strike upward with the heel of the hand against the base of the nose where it meets the upper lip. I'm told it can kill if the nasal cartilage is shoved up into the brain, but even a light blow is supposed to be exquisitely painful and should distract an attacker long enough for a woman to run like hell.

But it just infuriates me that we have to learn tactics like those just to safely be in the world

LilyPat

[Canadian_watcher]

it's all about classism though, really. I vote that we look at it that way, and there are more boats to lift there, too.

[Perelandra]

If I were a parent, especially of a girl, I'd be a nervous wreck.

And in the unlikely event that I ever do become a parent of a little girl, I'm going to enroll her in an ongoing course of self-defense training concurrent with her nursery rhymes...

I've already started.

Joe, I know you have a lot of knowledge. Can you recommend any specific practices?

LilyPat, that is so scary, but good pointers.

What a crazy battlefield earth.

[Project Willow]

it's all about classism though, really. I vote that we look at it that way, and there are more boats to lift there, too.

What are you saying C_W, only poor women are targeted for street harassment? That's just not the case.

[Sounder]

Thanks for this thread Project Willow.

Not being a gamer, I had never considered how prevalent the ‘damsel in distress’ motif is in that world. Then again, being that similar themes also dominate the larger storytelling world, it should come as no surprise.

It is quite sad to me, to feel like a deep subtext of stories down through time is about when it is appropriate to use force and coercion to achieve an objective. Perhaps it’s taking things a step too far to consider most stories as coded means to legitimize abuse and coercion.

But, I can drop that notion and be happy reading articles such as the one written by the ex-misogynist who ably illustrates the value of self-reflection as an aid to building a new and better life.

There is joy to be found in recognizing the creative potential of consciousness to change our framing and thereby our response to ‘reality’.

A fountain of Joy. That is the story that needs more telling.

[Canadian_watcher]

it's all about classism though, really. I vote that we look at it that way, and there are more boats to lift there, too.

What are you saying C_W, only poor women are targeted for street harassment? That's just not the case.

no, absolutely not PW, thanks for allowing me to clarify.
I think that problems of violence, abuse and oppression stem first and foremost from our class structure which of course includes women and men. I believe that women, being considered second class citizens in every strata do in fact have more of an uphill battle than most men. Challenging sexism on its face is a wonderful pursuit insofar as it goes, but framing it in terms of class might be less divisive and therefore more quickly achieve the desired ends (if that is even possible)

I hope I've explained my feelings clearly and haven't offended.

[DrEvil]

Thanks for this thread Project Willow.

Not being a gamer, I had never considered how prevalent the ‘damsel in distress’ motif is in that world. Then again, being that similar themes also dominate the larger storytelling world, it should come as no surprise.

I'm a gamer, and you are depressingly right. The game Eve Online even has a mission called "Damsel in Distress", where you have to save a spoiled rich heiress from the evil space pirates. I must have rescued her a hundred times.
(But to be fair - you can also buy "Male exotic dancers" in the game. They're listed under Commodities > Livestock ).

But there has been a shift in attitudes just in the last few years. Only a few years ago, "booth babes" were still fairly common at the large conventions. Today it is a surefire way to get steamrolled in the gaming press and on twitter.

It's still a huge problem, but at least people are becoming aware of it, and there's movement in the right direction.

Here's a great example from Rock, Paper, Shotgun:

Rock, Paper, Shotgun Apology For Using Female Writers
http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2013/03 ... e-writers/

[82_28]

My dad didn't teach me to box, but he taught me to be courteous. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're all (fucking) thinking. Just the other night there was a girl walking in front of me I didn't recognize and turned out we were going into the same building. I went out of my way all around the building in order to not scare her. I didn't do it for me. I did it because just before she entered she dropped her cell phone and I just cracked the joke, "sweet, I just found myself a new cellphone!" She just picked it up and didn't say a word. Didn't laugh. Didn't anything. She was going into the same building, but after that I sure wasn't going to potentially scare her further. For the record, I did it for her, not for me. I had every right to follow her in but it was late and we were the only people around.

Another thing, "as a bartender" I also "crack wise" about our differing genders. Nothing too crass. Just jokes that come to me. The other day two women came in for lunch one of them very pregnant. I approached them and asked "how are you three doing?". The other one (not pregnant) said "there's only two of us". And then they got it and the pregnant one said "that's kind of rude." I said "maybe four months ago that would have been rude." I WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT were I not bartending. As just a dude at a bar, totally unacceptable -- duh. In fact one must frequently intercede when behind the bar when you sense discomfort. Happens all the time.

We all laughed and they were awesome, I congratulated on her about to be disconnected from her human inside her (not in those terms) and that was that. But it's a sexist kind of thing you could only do with a woman. I worked with this fat Mexican dude a few years ago and I would always ask him, "so when's the baby due?" We were friends and I would just go up from behind him and start stroking his tummy -- this is something one cannot do with a female being a male unless she's your wife/gf.

[Joe Hillshoist]

If I were a parent, especially of a girl, I'd be a nervous wreck.

And in the unlikely event that I ever do become a parent of a little girl, I'm going to enroll her in an ongoing course of self-defense training concurrent with her nursery rhymes...

I've already started.

Joe, I know you have a lot of knowledge. Can you recommend any specific practices?

LilyPat, that is so scary, but good pointers.

What a crazy battlefield earth.

hey Perelandra, hows it going?

There are other people on this site who would know bucket loads more about martial arts than me.

My daughter, who is 19 or 20 months old is very physically adept. She can climb run quite fast, do forward rolls almost do backward ones, and jump. Hang of things and swing back and forth. Which is apparantly advanced for her age. (I dunno how advanced, or even if people are blowing smoke up our backsides when they say that.)

Basically she can make a fist and punch, tho we don't encourage that very often. Someone else taught her that tho. A mates daughter. (He has 4 kids and they love roughhousing. That seems good for her.)

Since she was old enough to hold my hands I basically went thru the first few moves of Yang Old Style T'ai Chi, from about 8.50 on this video: She also copies me doing it a bit, especially when I specifically encourage her, but she's at the age where she'd rather run off and do her own thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgtsr_KomDs

And the first bit of part 2.

I'm not just doing this to teach her to fight tho. Its more about physically adept at whatever task she comes across. I found that even tho I was athletic and fairly co-ordinated and could also fight a bit, when I came across that particular style of T'ai Chi Chuan, which I learned off someone who learned from the guy in the video (the late Earle Montaigne) and knew what they were talking about I just got so much better at being co-ordinated (and this was after I was a nationally ranked hurdler for my age, and could kick a footy straight with both feet, handball accurately with both hands etc). So the real motivation for getting her to do this stuff, not for self defense as such, is just being at home in her body and being able to use it.

If she wants to do formal martial arts training of some sort or other she'll probably start when she is 4 or 5.

I'm definitely teaching her LilyPat's trick tho.

[jlaw172364]

@LilyPat

If this were reddit, I would give you a million upvotes.

As a corrolary: punching someone with a closed fist = bad idea, because you are likely to damage your hand. Palm strike is the way to go, if you are forced to fight, that is.

[hiddenite]

"Thousands of Justin Bieber fans online now have a new idol to wet their knickers for"

is a contemptuous assessment of the motives,aspirations and sincerity of young women