by JerkyLeBoeuf » Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:00 pm
I dreamt that I was back in school (a mix of junior high and high school) and was called down to the basement auditorium to register for the prom, or for dance class, or some such crap. So I went down to sign up, and there was a huge lineup of all the pretty girls I'd ever gone to school with, K-through-12. They were all sitting around chatting and giggling. <br><br>My ultra-macho junior high gym teacher was sitting there behind a table, pen in hand, registering the girls and flirting with them. So I went to the back of the line and waited, listening to the girls chat and giggle amongst themselves. <br><br>Then, for some reason, all the girls were called away.<br><br>So I decided to make small talk with the teacher. I crossed the room and said to him: "Wow... pretty girls, huh?" <br><br>He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head as if to say "Don't I know it."<br><br>So I asked him, "Have girls been getting prettier since you began teaching?" <br><br>"Yes," he answered.<br><br>So I said, "That's evolution in action right there." <br><br>He nodded. Then he, too, got called away, leaving me alone in the ugly, echoing emptiness of that basement auditorium.<br><br>This is the point at which my dream took on a very sinister, apocalyptic turn. <br><br>I can’t remember all the details, but essentially the school was overrun by a murderous, perverted cult of psychotic piss-and-shit-obsessed zombie mutants straight out of a cheap 60’s “evil hippies” exploitation flick. They all had blank white eyes and pale, diseased-encrusted flesh. They wore barely anything and were literally dripping in piss and shit.<br><br>Suddenly there was screaming. The mutants were attacking the girls! They were grabbing hold of them and ripping off their clothes. Then, as they cackled insanely, the shit-zombies were skidding the girls across a big piss-and-shit-soaked futon, in a perverse mockery of the childhood game known as “Slip-n-Slide”. <br><br>To my horror, the girls were slowly but surely being brainwashed! They were turning into piss and shit zombies, themselves! And they were loving it! Their eyes were turning white, and they began to attack the unconverted. I had to fight off a bunch of them. They were all naked, slick and slimy with piss and shit, holding nuggets of shit in their mouths, wearing shit wigs, etc. <br><br>Eventually I ended up in some kind of wide-open, semi-arid wilderness (conveniently located right next to the school) driving a pick-up truck full of survivors, trying to escape the lunatics who were pursuing us in jerry-rigged all-terrain vehicles. I watched as one of the mutant shit-zombies driving a yellow jalopy with oversized wheels chased our truck around a banked track before rolling his vehicle and flying off the track at a terrific speed. The mutant shit-zombie fell out of the vehicle in mid-air, tucked into a fetal position and hurtled violently through the air for what seemed like miles. He screamed and wept, anticipating certain death. When he did land, however, he just skidded across the dry dirt. He sat up, looking around in a daze, apparently unharmed. He had snapped out of his shit-zombie spell! <br><br>Then he was crushed by his jalopy. <br><br>That’s when I woke up and took a massive dump. <p></p><i></i>
